There are things in this world that exist, and there’s no logical explanation for their purpose.

For example, at some point this week your significant other will force you to watch a new episode of a sitcom that you’ll pretend to like. If it happens to be The Big Bang Theory, you won’t even notice the laugh track in the background that plays after everything that’s supposed to be remotely funny. But oh, it’s there, and it’s the most useless, insulting, and archaic aspect of modern television that somehow still exists.

Read Chuck Klosterman’s essay on laugh tracks, and you’ll never be able to tolerate their presence in your ears again. Today, I found the laugh track of the Internet: sports fashion columnists.

Although it’s hard for me to accept the fact that there are people out there in Internetland who don’t share my exact views and interests, I understand that discussing fashion is a regular occurrence. There’s even an entire fashion industry.

No amount of cynicism and snark hides me from the common knowledge that someone out there enjoys fashion as much as I enjoy football. Still, even with that knowledge there are times when I read something, and wonder how a person could ever watch the same event that I watched, and see a suit jacket and tie as the most pressing writing material.

But to the surprise of no one, this is where one member of the New York media took the conversation yesterday following Tim Tebow’s press conference. Take it away, Kirsten Fleming of the New York Post:

So Tebow can talk the talk — now he just needs to dress the part.

And one final piece of advice — next time, shave!

This $895 off-the-rack Hugo Boss ensemble is tailored perfectly to Tim’s torso, but the slim trousers are too tight for his thick, athletic thighs. Next time, go custom.

Slip-on loafers with a clunky, squared-off toe are perfect for a middle manager in Florida, not a hot-shot gunslinger in New York City.

Tim may be committed to Jesus, but he’s wishy-washy in his choice of shirt. Plain white says boring and safe. And in this town, we wear power ties. A minty green homage to Gang Green is weak.

Oh, and this…

The newest New York Jet and captain of the God squad landed at the Jets’ practice facility to address the press yesterday — showing up in a getup (left) as boring as his sex life.

Welcome to New York, Tim. Just be thankful you weren’t there during your rookie season sporting that Friar Tuck look. That went out of style at least 300 years ago.

Comments (4)

  1. Oh boy, another Jesus hater, it’s always easer to make something up than it is to report the news. Get another day job……

  2. Are you talking about Tomlinson or the New York Post article? Either way, what gave you the impression that either one was a Jesus hater? The Post article just criticized his suit and Tomlinson criticized the Post.

    …You didn’t read either one, did you BEn?

    • Jesus has always been my homeboy. But I’m quite confident that if Kirsten Fleming (the New York Post writer) met him, she’d think his white robe is horribly dated, and his brown sandals are ill-suited for the rigorous terrain in heaven.

  3. Tebow was at a press conference for the jets, not a fashion show. Of course Fleming had to not only dig his clothes, but his morals and faith. Another article by some bigoted, second grade writer who should stick to tabloid smut. She couldn’t see what was wearing the suit, so she must be a dyke.

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