Entering the 2012 offseason, no one would have thought that we’d have so many opportunities to use the tired yet true supermodel at the bar analogy with Bill Parcells, a white-haired 70-year-old man. We also didn’t think Sean Payton would be gone for a year, or that Tim Tebow would be preparing to play for a team not named the Denver Broncos next fall.

Parcells took over where Manning left off, becoming the NFL’s most sought after commodity. However, it was assumed that the chase for Parcells was hardly a chase at all, and the pursuit consisted of just one team, the Saints. In the quotes that have leaked Parcells has sounded like he’s ready to accept the New Orleans job, and just two formalities stand in his way. First, a ruling on Payton’s appeal needs to be issued by Roger Goodell, and then a contract needs to be pushed across the figurative table by Saints GM Mickey Loomis.

But alas, it’s not that easy. It never is.

Another suitor for Parcells’ services has reportedly emerged, and their need for a motivator isn’t difficult to justify.

Tells us more about this mystery team, New York Post:

Even as the Saints beg Bill Parcells to come to New Orleans, The Post has learned Vikings owner Zygi Wilf is putting the hard sell on the former Giants and Jets coach to head to Minnesota and “run the show.’’

The Post’s report also indicates that Wilf asked Parcells to “name his price,” and that if he accepted the position the two-time Super Bowl winner would become both the Vikings’ head coach, and the director of football operations.

The Vikings hold the third overall pick in this year’s draft as a result of a three-win season during Leslie Frazier’s first full year as head coach. While Parcells would certainly be an upgrade on the sideline simply due to his résumé and Frazier’s lack of head coaching experience when compared to the Big Tuna, it’s difficult to see this being a fit.

If Parcells had a strong, burning desire to return to coaching, he could have done it years ago when he fielded multiple job offers after leaving the Cowboys in 2006. The primary factor that’s motivated him to even entertain and likely accept the Saints interim job is his strong connection with Payton.

He sees the Saints position as much more than just a coaching job, and a shot at a championship. It’s a favor for a close friend who was once Parcells’ protege, a sentiment he’s repeated multiple times.

That strong connection doesn’t exist in Minnesota, and it never will. The far more likely scenario here is that this is a planted leak from Camp Parcells in an attempt to fabricate a market, and extract more money from the Saints’ wallet.

And now you want to know the rest of the story…

  • It’s been a bad week for the Lions’ 2011 draft class. A day after it was revealed that Mikel Leshoure had to make a decision we all face at some point (should I eat this marijuana?), Nick Fairley was arrested for marijuana possession in Mobile, Alabama. Throw in seventh-round pick Johnny Culbreath and his marijuana fine earlier this offseason, and three of Detroit’s picks last April have faced drug charges so far during an offseason that’s not even two months old yet. [Detroit Free Press]
  • Robert Griffin III cut down the net last night after the Baylor women’s basketball team became national champions. [D.C. Sports Bog]
  • Further proof that Donovan McNabb was just auditioning to be the next athlete paid to spew his asinine and vintage beliefs to a mass audience: every quarterback who’s started in Mike Shanahan’s system for at least two years has made it to the Pro Bowl. [Sally Jenkins]
  • Justin Blackmon and Russel Wilson will reportedly have pre-draft visits with the Bills. [Buffalo Rumblings]
  • The latest stop on Rob Gronkowski’s offseason inebriation tour was a Playboy party in which he was required to wear a vest and tie with no shirt. He calls this heaven. [The Big Lead]
  • Under Tony Sparano the Jets will likely return to their standard ground and pound offensive scheme. This is splendid and exciting news for Shonn Greene. [Jenny Ventras]
  • Brian Orakpo played tight end in high school, which is rather scary. [Hogs Haven]
  • The word “holdout” isn’t in Victor Cruz’s vocabulary. [New York Daily News]
  • If the Browns have the bravery to pass on Trent Richardson and either take a calculated risk on Ryan Tannehill, or maybe give Colt McCoy a wide receiver and draft Blackmon, then what are the other options out there for Cleveland at running back? [Tony Grossi]
  • The league will reportedly unveil the schedule for meaningless preseason football later today. [Niners Nation]