Yes, I’m aware that we’ve already met our quota for blatant Tim Tebow trolling today. But when you see a piece of fruit named after a backup quarterback who also doubles as one of the 100 most influential people in the world, you don’t ask questions.

Tebow is now a mango, and a dog. And a person.

The Florida Gator reference makes us assume that this billboard is deep in Gator country. With both his hometown and college roots in Florida, it makes sense that Tebow’s fruit roots would also reside in the Sunshine State. What doesn’t make sense is the product pitch for the Tebow mango, a delectable treat that “produces consistently and is completely fiberless.” No argument on the first part, at least from standpoint of the always concrete and never biased quarterback “wins” stat. But fiberless? Surely a Tebow fruit would provide the body with all of its essential nutrients, no?

Maybe this summer we’ll start a fruit stand selling only NFL items. The Tebow Mango will no doubt be the top seller, but we have a few other ideas:

  • The James Harrison apple: hard on the outside, and rotten to the core.
  • The Michael Vick banana: delicious when fresh, but bruises easily.
  • The Albert Haynesworth pineapple: prickly, and soft on the inside.

Thanks, Busted Coverage

Comments (2)

  1. “Sweet, soft and pulpy” is probably a more accurate description of a mango. And while that doesn’t really describe Tebow, it might accurately describe his heart. So maybe what we need is a whole line of Tebow-themed fruit: The Tebow squash: firm and bulging, just like his biceps. The Tebow pumpkin: hard and round, just like his ass. The Tebow cucumber…well, you get the point. I know, its blasphemy to talk about young Jesus like that ;-)

    • True, maybe you’ve discovered an even better summer business venture. We can expand to vegetables, and call it “Tim Tebow’s Tangerines, Tomatoes, and other fine juices.” Maybe that needs some work, but you can see where I’m headed.

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