To a devout Christian like Tim Tebow, New York is an evil, soulless city, and inevitably it will try to strip the Jets’ new backup quarterback of first his clothes, and then his virginity. This is merely the natural order of life in Gotham, and no amount of will power from Tebow can alter his destiny.
Tebow’s final sacking likely would have happened on its own, but now there’s some extra incentive. Actually, there’s $1 million worth of incentive for any woman who can successfully deflower an NFL quarterback, and one of the most influential people in the world. Yeah, we have no idea how that would be appealing either.
Tebow is quite famously a virgin, because that’s the kind of information inquiring SEC fans need to know. Now AshleyMadison.com, the website that provides easily accessible adultery for normal yet unhappy people, has placed a $1 million bounty on Tebow’s virginity.
Please grab a moist towel, because you’ll have to wipe the grime from your screen after reading the statement from AshleyMadison.com founder Noel Biderman. (via Darren Rovell)
“Sports and sex (and of course, infidelity) go hand in hand,” said Biderman. “If Mr. Tebow is indeed abstaining from adult relationships, I would encourage him to find a nice lady or two and enjoy his youth and fame as much as possible.”
“I guarantee that no man of Tebow’s stature could survive a season in New York without succumbing to the temptations of the city.”
No argument here on that last part, but if any man can do it, it’s Tebow. New York may be another beast entirely, but we’re still talking about an immensely popular student athlete and Heisman winner who survived four years at an SEC school, and he’s still proudly carrying his V-card.
According to the Internet, Tebow also survived this wicked temptress…
Biderman said the reward will go to any woman who can prove she successfully tackled Tebow. What exactly that proof would be is unclear, but we’re sure Tebow is more than willing to pose for a picture, make a video, or just scream about his sexual relations Ron Burgundy style. See, NFL Films, this is how you troll the hell out of Tebow.
Somehow, somewhere, Gregg Williams is the true mastermind behind this.