This contraption is worth "5.000.000 million".

The American dream is an elusive beast that makes normal people do crazy things, and it makes crazy people pick up typewriters and start mashing buttons until a lengthy, barely comprehensible letter has been submitted to their friendly neighborhood NFL team.

The state of Florida is a haven for such insanity, because once the local mini mart has run out of crossword puzzles that the elderly population hasn’t solved, some of the residents spend their time trying to re-live years that were far less golden. So please settle in, and let’s begin the brief tale of a Jacksonville man who claims he was an inventor of sorts in a past life.

The stands kickers use during pre-game warm-ups and while practicing on the sidelines are commonly called “three-point stands,” and they’ve been around in some form for about as long as helmets, footballs, and shoes. Any shoes.

But Jacksonville’s Johnnie Perry says he invented the stand, dammit, and a three-page legal document explains why he’s suing the Jaguars for copyright infringement. He’s filed a perfectly cohesive argument too…

IN 1996 THE THREE POINT STANDS WAS INVENTION THE PLAINTIFF INVENTION THE THREE POINT STANDS AND ASK THE DEFENDANTS TO BUY ONE THREE POINT STANDS AND HANDDELEVER TO THE N.F.L. KICKER AND THE TEAM.

He also wants “5.000.000 million” which isn’t a real number.

Thanks for the legal comedy, Big Cat Country.

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