Rob Ryan is the kind of guy who goes right from the sideline, to the shooting range. Or maybe the bowling alley with the real-life equivalent of the Big Lebowski.

Or, most likely, his couch to befriend a box of previously frozen chicken wings. This is his existence, because the defensive coordinator of the Dallas Cowboys is firstly a man of leisure, and secondly a man of fine tastes, which includes his vehicle of choice.

Yes, Ryan doesn’t always drive luxury vehicles, but when he does he’s behind the wheel of a 1999 Ford Econoline van, the thoroughly thrashed machine that he proudly showcased for the Cowboys website. Since the NFL has an embargo on fun, Sports Grid provided this glorious embeddable video for your enjoyment:

You can’t just hear the pride oozing from Ryan’s voice. You can feel it, despite the various rust marks and the van’s general state of decay. In some way it’s a metaphor for both Rob Ryan, and the entire Ryan clan: they don’t want to be like you, ever, and they value loyalty much more than aesthetics.

Nah, that’s not it. We’re giving Ryan far too much credit here. In truth, despite his NFL salary and the fact that he owns a “fleet of Mercedes,” Ryan is still quite content living in a van down by the river

Annnd that takes us into the weekend. We did it, guys. We survived our first week of the true offseason, when nothing is supposed to happen, yet a lot of stuff still happens.

But we also leave with a quick housekeeping note. Your faithful editor and quite unhumble scribe will be on a beach somewhere in Cuba next week, sipping drinks that are delivered in coconuts and come with tiny umbrellas. Hey, male drinking laws are entirely disregarded during vacations. Hopefully the beach looks exactly like how that nice lady at the travel agency described it. If not, I can always pack up shop and go to Wally World.

As I’m turning several shades of orange, the GLS keys will be handed over to faithful intern Devang Desai. I’m pretty sure he’s old enough to have a driver’s license, so you’re in good hands.

No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *