I’m routinely disappointed by over-hyped books written by former players or coaches. Yet for some reason, I still eagerly gulp down the Kool-Aid, and overpay for a few hundred pages of bland nothingness. It’s an addiction that I’ve finally broken over the past few years, opting to spend what little pleasure reading time I have reading the words of people who write said words professionally.
But one look at the previews for Warren Sapp’s new book Sapp Attack that comes out in August has me stumbling off the wagon. Sapp is a lunatic, and an unintelligent fool on TV. But when you can’t hear his voice he’s suddenly tolerable, and in word form you can actually distinguish the few thoughts he has, making his tirades entertaining.
Predictably, very few people in Sapp’s past are spared in his book. We’re pretty sure somewhere in the 341 pages he says something awful about his first dog.
A few excerpts via the Tampa Bay Times…
On the Bucs coaches he played for: ”I always said that Tony Dungy put the damn cake in the oven, and then Jon Gruden came in and put the icing on it. Of course, Sam Wyche couldn’t even get the mix out of the box.”
On quarterback Trent Dilfer: “Dilfer … basically was an interception waiting to happen. There were times we practically pleaded with him, ‘We know you’re not going to score a touchdown, but please, just don’t turn it over.’ ”
On Johnson, the receiver: “Among the biggest problems we had on that 2003 team was Keyshawn Johnson. … It wasn’t a big secret Keyshawn didn’t fit into our locker room: he came to us from a different football culture, and he never could make the adjustment. Everything was about him.”
On the way his teammates treated him as a rookie: “Once a week, right into the season, I got my a – - taped to the uprights. One time, they taped (Brad) Culpepper and me back-to-back in the middle of the floor.”
If Sapp is ever out of work–a very, very strong possibility–he could probably sell himself as the ultimate training camp hazing mascot. There’s no conceivable punishment worse than being butt cheek to butt cheek with a sweaty, 303-pound man.
And now you want to know the rest of the story…
- Case Keenum wasn’t drafted, even though the former University of Houston quarterback is the all-time NCAA leader in passing yards (19,217). The Texans signed him as an undrafted free agent, and Gary Kubiak has liked what he’s seen so far in OTAs. [Texans.com]
- Georgia Tech alums Demaryius Thomas and Calvin Johnson are serving as mentors for Jets rookie Stephen Hill. [New York Post]
- Guessing which quarterback will start in NFL cities where there’s a question at the position is a traditional May game we play to pass the time. And just like everywhere else, the guesses in Tennessee are wild at this point. [Titan Sized]
- Nnamdi Asomugha doesn’t understand why the people of Philadelphia didn’t love Charles Barkley’s many love handles. He also doesn’t understand why Allen Iverson was so polarizing in a brash, ballsy city. Maybe–just maybe–Philly fans have a soul after all, Nnamdi. [Jeff McLane]
- The small matter of broken bones, muscle pulls, and various other tears and sprains is still a significant concern for the Dolphins’ running backs. [Phin Phanatic]
- Jamal Lewis needs to pass GO and collect $200. [National Football Post]
- Vince Wilfork’s wife has a potty mouth when she’s watching playoff basketball. [Funny athlete tweets]
- Jonathan Massaquoi could be the key to the Falcons’ 2012 draft. [Rob Rang]
- To the surprise of absolutely no one, James Farrior is leaning towards retirement. [Gregg Rosenthal]
- There are times when a piece of visual stimulation inexplicably lands in your inbox or Twitter timeline, and the laws of the Internet dictate that it has to be posted, apropos of nothing. This is one of those times…