Chad Ochocinco is officially unemployed as far as the NFL is concerned, but the fantastic thing about being a professional athlete and getting paid a grotesque sum of money to play a game is that being unemployed isn’t a traumatic experience. For most of us, getting called into the boss’ office and handed a few pink pieces of paper is crushing. But Ocho was paid $6 million this past season to make 15 catches, so he just returned to his bed of money.

Technically Ochocinco isn’t unemployed anyway since he eats a few other ways, but a man can never have too many sources of income to put exotic kangaroo meat on the table, which I can only assume he eats nightly because that sounds like a very Ochocinco thing to do. So luckily there’s another opportunity out there for our semi-unemployed and formerly good but now just really old wide receiver.

It involves his name, a porn site, and $69,000.

Pornhub is a premier porn site (a friend told me), and they wrote Ochocinco a letter asking him to change his name for one day and one day only. That day is tomorrow, the ninth day in the sixth month of the year.

Here’s the letter (via Buzzfed):

Dear Mr. Ochocinco,

I hope this letter finds you well. Our company, Pornhub.com, (the premier destination for online adult entertainment) would like to offer you an opportunity to solidify your support for the work we do here. Given your continued endorsement of our brand on your widely followed Twitter account, we feel it would only be appropriate to ask you, in the spirit of fun, to take your fandom for us to the next level.

In short, we would like to extend a proposal for you to legally change your name to Chad Seisnueve on the day of June 9, 2012 for the subsequent 24 hours. As proof, all we require from you is a twitpic of the approved name change registration form accompanied by a @Pornhub hashtag mention. We believe that this partnership can be beneficial to both parties.

In return for your cooperation and willingness, we will compensate you $69,000.

We truly appreciate your consideration of our offer and look forward to the possibility of working together soon. Meanwhile, please feel free to continue enjoying the fruits of our labor at Pornhub.com.

All the best,

Corey Price

As the Sportress of Blogitude quite correctly points out, “Chad Seisnueve” doesn’t translate to 69 in Spanish. But that’s a mere minor detail to Ochocinco since his current name doesn’t translate to 85, so whatevs.

Also, Ocho has been regularly promoting a porn site on his Twitter account? That’s the real reason why he no longer plays football for the New England Patriots. Bill Belichick will not tolerate players who abuse their privileges on MyFace and yearbook.

No Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *