If only all reporting was this easy. The source for the Ochocinco News Network is, um, Chad Ochocinco, and the details in the following report from the Ochocinco News Network will be added whenever Ochocinco damn well feels like it.

Anywho, here’s OCNN confirming that Ocho has indeed signed with the only NFL team that was a possible fit for his services next fall after he became more aging dead wood gleefully cast aside by Bill Belichick:

We just got confirmation from Chad Ochocinco that he has just signed with the Miami Dolphins. The 6 time Pro Bowler will now get a chance to finish his career in his home state. More details as they arrive.

And just like that, Hard Knocks has become infinitely more interesting this summer. Hey, HBO couldn’t just show five episodes of Lauren Tannehill footage (or could they?).

The contract is for one year, and although the terms aren’t known yet, we can safely assume that the amount of guaranteed money Ochocinco will receive to play for the Dolphins will be equivalent to the amount of guaranteed money you’re getting to play for the Dolphins (which is zero dollars unless you really do play for the Dolphins, in which case…HI!). Beyond that, if we assume he makes the 53-man roster (a very unsafe assumption), Ochocinco will then likely be paid the veteran minimum, which is $925,000.

New head coach Joe Philbin is abundantly aware that he’s not getting the same Ochocinco who was often dominant in Cincinnati and had seven 1,000-yard receiving seasons. At 34 years old, that Ocho is long gone, and he now may be more interested in career opportunities loosely tied to the porn industry.

After he had a putrid 15 catches for 276 yards last season, there’s been legitimate questions about Ochocinco’s physical abilities as the football disease otherwise diagnosed as age continues to spread, and more importantly about his mental capacity to handle a complex offense. The former can be managed, with an offensive coordinator either using Ochocinco sparingly, or utilizing him in specific situations that give him a greater opportunity for success. But a lack of football comprehension can’t be fixed, ever.

After a full season in New England, Ocho still needed to be directed to the proper place to line up during OTAs. Maybe that was all him, or maybe the Patriots offense is too complex and he can thrive in a simpler Dolphins system. Either way, if the Dolphins can even get something that resembles the Ochocinco we saw circa 2010 (837 receiving yards, four touchdowns), they’ll be overjoyed, and this will be a highly successful purchase.

As we outlined earlier today, Ryan Tannehill will play meaningful football at some point in 2012, and prior to this signing he was set to throw to some combination of Davone Bess, Legedu Naanee, and Brian Hartline. There’s plenty of upside and youth with those three, but there’s far more uncertainty. Ochocinco may be fading fast, but given the state of Miami’s WR depth chart, even the chance that he could rekindle some old burst was worth this no-risk play.

If nothing else, experience is the lone asset Ochocinco brings to a team now, and that’s a valuable commodity for an offense with a rookie quarterback.