When Tim Tebow began appearing in edible foods, most sensible, sane people shrugged, maybe laughed a little, and moved on.
But alas, this world is not filled with sensible Tebow followers. In fact, that statement is an oxymoron of sorts. It isn’t possible to be a Tebow fan and also possess some understanding of common sense.
Or so it seems, at least. I’m sure decent, well-meaning Tebow fans exist out there somewhere in the great beyond, but they’re meek, and they often can’t be heard above the gluttony of worshiping songs. Are you one of these rare reasonable Tebow fans who’s angry because I’ve made a gross mischaracterization? Well, tell your fellow Tebow folk to stop paying money–any money, any money at all–for Tebow toast that’s a blatant hoax.
Yes, this happened. A piece of toast showing Tebow doing his patented Tebowing pose that’s really just a guy praying has been sold online to some nut job who was willing to pay $85, plus shipping.
The Global Christian Post has the details of the latest sign clearly showing our society’s decay:
The image burned into the piece of toast, which comprises one side of a grilled cheese sandwich, was discovered by eBay user “Carlspackler76,” who advertised his find on eBay on Jan. 14.
Bidding eventually reached $85, and this payment, coupled with a $14.99 shipping fee from Roanoke, Va., along with PayPal fees, left the seller with a cool $80 profit.
The Post then goes on to state what everyone should be thinking, including the guy who now presumably has a piece of bread framed on his wall.
While evidently some are choosing to believe that the Tebow image on the piece of toast is real, others are saying it’s a fake, arguing that the seller merely used liquid butter to draw the image of Tebow on the bread, and naturally the heat from the skillet did not fully toast the buttered area.
Yes, that sounds like a logical conclusion, especially after you read the seller’s description on eBay.
Face, meet palm.
While hastily making lunch today, I slapped together two slices of bread and some cheese for the old standby of the grilled cheese sandwich. I’ll freely admit I was a bit sloppy with my butter application and this sandwich was not going to be my best work. I’ll also admit my frying pan is crappy and distributes heat very poorly, so I was not exactly expecting a work of art for a sandwich
However, upon flipping the sandwich, I was thoroughly amazed by the image staring back at me … the now iconic “Tebowing” pose of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow!
Stunned … I found myself wondering what the meaning was of this sandwich. A sign from God? A cry for help from my lousy frying pan to be replaced? A warning of doom since I’m a Patriots fan? A ridiculous coincidence? I don’t know. But the one thing I DO know is that I must share my sandwich masterpiece with the world, and would love for it to find a good home from somebody who’s a much bigger Tim Tebow fan than myself.
Definitely not a hoax, and definitely an immaculate toasting.
Together, we can stop this rampant toe-kissing of a backup quarterback whose throwing mechanics resemble the technique of a Lingerie Football League QB. Everyone has to just consciously acknowledge that Tim Tebow–a backup quarterback–is not God. He is merely a man who likes God, and praises him often. This is a simple concept, until we remember that Tebow is a prominent public figure, and he’s always smiling that Tebow smile and posing in Jockey ads and commercials with fireworks on his shirt, if that does anything for you.
But we must resist his heavenly allure and devil eyes, for they are the roots of the rapture. We are inviting doom by worshiping Tebow through doughy substances and pumpkins. Make it stop.
Thanks, It’s always Sunny in Detroit