I often discuss the rules of the Internet here, because they are regulations that govern my entire life. I rarely sleep, because the Internet doesn’t sleep, and when I enjoy anything, I must first ask the Internet if my tastes are acceptable, and if common viral trends indicate that they’re not I will never speak of the personal preference in question again. I am a cyber robot.

Do not feel sorry for me, friends. This is the path I chose, and it is a noble one. One day I just hope to move away from the mother’s basement compound where all of the bloggers live, but frankly, I’m really liking this steady diet of casserole.

Anywho, one of the Internet’s primary rules is that Tim Tebow items must be featured prominently. That’s why this sweeping Tebow development that I observed this morning is leading our daily journey through news that keeps you occupied for a good five minutes every morning, even though it’s a few days old. It’s new to me, and therefore it may be new to you. We’re all in this together.

Surely you remember a long time ago when there was ludicrous discussion about Tebow being the bachelor while appearing on The Bachelor. That would have led to the disintegration of our Earth, and the end of human existence. But while we laughed and allowed our imaginations to run wild as they so often do in Internetland, we knew it was a dream that would never be, and it was a rumor that mostly emerged from nowhere.

Or was it? In a story The Big Lead dug up Thursday afternoon, it seems Tebow said he would indeed be the bachelor, but his word isn’t his bond.

The Christian Post Reporter has the details, which explains why I may be a little late to this. I only read the Christian Post Reporter on Friday mornings, just like everyone.

They talked to Chris Harrison, the show’s host:

While guest hosting on “Access Hollywood Live” Monday, Harrison revealed that he spoke to the 24-year-old Jets backup quarterback about appearing on the series to find love.

“I met about him becoming our next Bachelor, I think he’d be a great Bachelor,” Harrison said. “He did say yes, but he’d never do it. He has a little job called quarterback in the NFL.”

“The Bachelor” host admitted that others have agreed to take part in the show without following through.

“They always say yes, but then it never happens,” he said.

Tebow is a filthy liar, and a sinner.

And now the links part of the links post…

  • The endless search for the truth that’s buried somewhere deep beneath Roger Goodell’s bounty evidence has led to more confusion, and blind ignorance from the man who led the investigation. Specifically, in his letter explaining his decision to dismiss the appeals of the four Saints players, Goodell blatantly ignored the claim by Joe Vitt that he didn’t contribute any money to a bounty on Brett Favre, and he did that because there were three witnesses who said Vitt threw down $5,000. However, one of those witnesses isn’t talking, and another one has very publicly backtracked. Oops. [PFT]
  • Florio got his hands on the letters to the players with Goodell’s explanations, and here’s another piece of information that’s initially shocking: it didn’t matter who said the now infamous “give me my money” line, and it only mattered that someone said it. That sort of makes sense, because it shows that there was a very active and well known pay to injure scheme, and the players were well aware of it even when the adrenaline was flowing during a playoff game. However, we’re still left to wonder why the hell Anthony Hargrove has been punished so heavily if it doesn’t matter if he said what Goodell thinks he probably said. [PFT]
  • Way back in the before time of 1980, former Dallas Cowboys owner Tex Schramm had a vision, and it was an ugly one. Even then with television sets getting unimaginably massive, picture quality quickly improving, and living rooms getting very, very comfortable, he saw a not-so distant future when that living room would replace the football stadium, and attending games would become obsolete. He might not be wrong. [Mike Freeman]
  • Peyton Manning is really enjoying this new-fangled technological iPad playbook wizardry. [Fox Sports]
  • The Redskins need more out of Brian Orakpo. Maybe he should stop playing chess with neanderthals and attending pancake socials. [Rich Tandler]
  • “I was going after more of the passing-yards statistic and I don’t really believe there’s a great correlation to winning in the NFL. I don’t. I don’t buy it. If you’re looking for a statistic that has a better correlation to winning, it’s probably yards-per-attempt.” — Alex Smith making all of the sense. [Mercury News]
  • Here’s a picture of Clay Matthews as a tiny child. Of note: he didn’t have hair that touched his toes when he was in elementary school. This is disappointing. [Total Packers]
  • Amani Toomer thinks that Tony Romo is better than Eli Manning. Please discuss, and become very angry. [Shutdown Corner]
  • It’s Friday, so let’s end with a video that’s completely unrelated to anything. As you’ll see below, a Chinese hurdler stumbled over the first two hurdles in his race, and then lowered his amount of caring to below zero as he bull rushed the remaining hurdles while running at full speed. He’s a non-conformist rebel, and his total disregard for the norms of his sport is inspiring. [Score Buzz]

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