Breaking news, you guys. Rob Gronkowski likes girls. He likes a lot of girls, and sometimes he even likes to lick sweet alcoholic nectar off of their middle region. He’s just a man with hips that connect perfectly to the hips of blondes everywhere, as well as other body parts.
Yes, he is above all, a man. And when you place a man of Gronkowski’s woman-magnetizing abilities on a game show and tell him to make a choice between several woman, you’re going to have a problem. Firstly (and most importantly), Gronk wants all of the women all of the time. Also, feelings will be hurt, and claws of disdain will quickly emerge.
Last night Gronkowski appeared on The Choice, an awful new reality game show on FOX that we first learned about in early May. At that time the premise of the show that gets a group of celebrities to choose blind dates, um, blind sounded pretty simple, but now it’s not. Not at all.
I’ll let Mike Cole from NESN explain, because it’s Friday and I can’t muster the ambition.
The premise of the show is that the celebrities choose who they’d like to get to know better, but they have to make that choice without seeing the suitors. A group of four celebrities hears the suitor’s best “pitch,” and then pulls the “love handle” to spin their chairs around to see the actual suitor. If more than one pulls the love handle, then the suitor must choose between the celebrities that pull the handle.
Each celeb gets three suitors. That list is eventually knocked down to two. After some speed dating, the celebrity is left to choose one to take on a date.
Alright, so maybe it’s not that complicated. But it’s still quite the procedure just to see Gronk make an ass of himself, and to see his preferences in readily available and eager female squeezes who are sober, a rare quality in Gronk’s world.
When it came time to make his choice, Gronk quite predictably wanted one for both hands.
Hopefully she likes Zubaz pants, and a scooter as her charming date night ride.