Usually, this is when I’d start a diatribe of some length about how terribly awful it is to watch the average yearly Super Bowl halftime act as their age increases, and their hair color decreases. But I’ve written that rant before, and now I’ve come to a shocking realization: I’m wrong.

I know, I sort of blacked out a bit when I wrote that too.

Bring on Van Halen, or U2, or whichever aging yet still legendary, yet still really old singer/group you can possibly book that doesn’t require life support. The halftime show isn’t for me, and it likely isn’t for the average reader that’s accidentally stumbled to our corner of the Interwebs either (all nine of you). My dad just discovered a blog for the first time in his life the other day, so based on that sample size alone I feel comfortable saying that this medium hasn’t hit the 50+ demographic quite yet.

The halftime show aims to appeal to all age groups, because the NFL is in the business of making money. That’s why when Van Halen posted a response on their website yesterday to the rampant rumors that they’ve been booked to do the halftime show next February in New Orleans, the content of their open letter reads more like a request than a denial.

Written by David Lee Roth, the letter said that the band hasn’t been invited to play the halftime show yet, but they’d jump at the opportunity.

I’m compelled to address the now-rampant rumors that Van Halen is playing the Superbowl. First of all let me say this — be still my pigskin heart. That honor has not been bestowed upon us at this time though it is one we would accept in a NY minute.

Noting that Van Halen is often heard blaring at stadiums every Sunday throughout the NFL season, the letter also said something about Hebrews and snake pits.

Van Halen’s collective memories are – and with all due respect to each and every one of these memories, teeming with been-theres and done-that’s, but none include playing at the Superbowl. Playing at the Superbowl is a veritable holy grail of musical recognition, a highly prized rite of passage for (game-changing) artists. Not a spiritual rite with snake pits or Hebrew school or anything, but it’s up there.

We are not on Commissioner Goodell’s dance card at this time, but we would be most honored to dance the halftime away in New Orleans.

The halftime act is usually announced early in the season, and here’s our fearless prediction: at this point, we’d be surprised if it isn’t Van Halen.

I know this seems crazy, but there are people in this world who don’t care about football. But since the television event surrounding the game produces an unmatched spectacle, they all still tune in for the halftime show, and a greater number of those who care very little about football will tune in if the sound they’re hearing isn’t the music of the devil.

A small percentage of that group will stick around for the second half, and an even smaller percentage may become football fans. But they’ll all see some advertising and therefore contribute to the NFL juggernaut, while the real fans will find their own enjoyment in snark, because a pop culture event can’t exist nowadays without people at keyboards ripping it with unoriginal jokes.

See, we’ll all win here.