I’ve always been afraid of getting a tattoo. I’m not afraid of the pain, and my fear isn’t rooted in a belief that my body is a temple (if it was a literal temple, that place would have been leveled long ago). There’s just nothing I love enough to consider getting it branded onto my skin forever.

Sure, I’ve loved things, but there was always a feeling that I’d eventually stop loving those things and I’d just have an ugly reminder sitting there silently laughing at me. If I got a tattoo of everything I love/loved over the past 20 odd years, I’d be covered in Ninja Turtles, Simpsons characters, Montreal Canadiens logos, and several poorly-done portraits of people. I’ve always feared being covered in failure, and an Indianapolis police officer has justified that fear.

Michael Andresen is a man who isn’t afraid to support his team by turning his arm into a canvass that praises the glory of Rob Gronkowski and the Super Bowl XLVI winning New England Patriots. Wait, that’s not right…

The Pats lost that game to the New York Giants 21-17. Gronkowski played through an ankle injury and was mostly a non-factor, making only two receptions for 26 yards, so he hardly had the glorious moment that tattoo Gronk is having on Andresen’s arm.

A crushing Super Bowl loss isn’t really an event that a fan wants to relive every time they wear a t-shirt, and certainly not something they’d want to sport if they ever wanted to frequent a bar in south Boston. It’s not even something you’d like to show to your closest friend, for fear that they’d introduce you to people as their “special” friend for the rest of your life.

So let this be a lesson to all you folks that get hammered and play Russian roulette with tattoo needles: you could end up with an arm of lies like Michael Andresen. Would you really want to explain to your future wife why you have a tattoo of Elvis Stojko rocking a gold medal from the Nagano Olympics on your right ass cheek? I didn’t think so.

Thanks, KSK