I choo choo choose you

For the most part, football players are decent human beings. The problem with reporting about decent human beings is that it’s boring, and doesn’t get the kind of clicks needed to run a successful blog. No one really cares if someone loves their grandmother and chooses to spend a Saturday night watching Murder She Wrote while sipping hot cocoa instead of going out, getting wasted, and drunkenly playing bumper cars on the highway. We like our athletes to be flawed; it makes us feel better about ourselves as mere non-athletic mortals.

Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton is not making me feel better about myself. In fact, he’s making me feel downright shallow.

As a young and insanely successful football player, one might think he’s out there bedding models and slithering out of strip clubs at the break of dawn (if you have to slip on your sunglasses after leaving a strip club, you’re doing it right…0r wrong, depending on how you feel about being a scumbag). But Newton doesn’t seem like that kind of guy, because he waxes philosophically about trying to surround himself with people who have depth and no ulterior motives.

“It’s a cliché for people to say you have to be on alert.  But sometimes, that is the case. You may see a particular female who’s attractive, but you already sense it.

I pray for discretion every single night, that I can see through people, see what their greater good is. Sometimes that individual ‘wows’ you by the eye, but when it come to heart to heart, that person’s not there for you. That’s not just females. That may be friends, people who come into your life just to use you for who you are.”

Being guarded all the time would be incredibly tiring and is an unfortunate reality of being rich and famous. I find his depth of character refreshing, but at the same time I have a little advice for Mr. Newton…enjoy the fame. Well at least enjoy it in moderation while surrounding yourself with a small group of people you can trust. Keep your chin up, buddy, because the right girl will come and whe…wait a minute, why am I reassuring this young millionaire? He should be reassuring me; I’m the loser in this situation.

Thanks a lot, Cam Newton. You’re not making me feel any better about myself, and actually I feel slightly worse.

I better go read about an NFL player being a scumbag just to raise my self esteem.

Thanks, Cat Scratch Reader

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