Being a Canadian NFL fan is mostly pretty ballin’, as the kids say. Free from geographical obligations, the maple syrup drinking American football lover can choose to adopt and support any team, which is why there are often very random packs of fans here in the land of beaver tails which may or may not be attached to an inflatable beaver that’s always enjoyable. There’s plenty of boyish glee around here right now following the premiere of this year’s Hard Knocks last night, because for some reason the population of Dolphins fans inside The Score’s palatial downtown Toronto towers is high.

But my colleagues felt great pain last night, along with every other NFL-loving hoser. Something our fine American friends may not realize is that Hard Knocks isn’t shown on HBO Canada, which results in a long time spent searching for illegal live streams that also dump several years worth of porn onto your hardrive. So in that sense if said stream is found, you may receive many hours of viewing pleasure.

My search last night and earlier this morning that lasted for many unhealthy hours turned up blank, and Youtube clips of the premiere are heavily guarded and more rare than Olympic gold medals in this country (heyo?). So as a service to my fellow countrymen, here’s a sampling of the best clips, courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber.

It took nine minutes for the Hard Knocks producers to show Lauren Tannehill last night, which was about six minutes more than I expected. The opening scene was a player — Derrick Dennis — getting cut, and new head coach Joe Philbin suggested to Vontae Davis that he should get his bladder checked out after the cornerback kept catching his breath during practice by taking bathroom breaks.

Oh, and Matt Moore eats baby food.

Cobweb mode

True love

The obligatory cheerleader thrusting and gyrating montage

Matt Moore has a strict offseason baby food diet

Lead pic via Busted Coverage