When Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Blaine Gabbert (who has the most accurate arm on the planet) left Sunday’s 27-7 loss to the Houston Texans, it was first reported that he was sitting out to rest an apparent hamstring injury. Well, that wasn’t truly accurate. According to Jags’ head coach Mike Mularkey, Gabbert’s hammy wasn’t the problem.

Nope, he was actually butt-hurt.

“It’s really not even a hamstring,” Mularkey said Monday. “It’s more of a glute. Your butt muscle — your glut.”

I could go a lot of ways with a juvenile and puerile joke, but instead I’ll take the high road and report the rest of the story without giggling like a school girl.

Mularkey said that his sophomore QB may be limited in practice on Wednesday, but should be ready for the Jags’ game against the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday.

Look out, here comes more hurt…

  • Ryan Mathews (clavicle)- It’s expected that the Chargers’ RB will practice Wednesday and make his season debut on Sunday. No one is more excited about this news than I am. Is it because I have Mathews on my fantasy team? Nope. I’m just tired of speculating about his health every week. *knocks on wood* [Michael Gehlken]
  • Fred Davis (concussion)- Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan announced Monday that tight end Fred Davis suffered a concussion during Washington’s loss to St. Louis on Sunday. This is a serious bummer for Davis, as it’s very hard to set a timetable for a return after a head injury. [Rich Campbell]
  • Jason Kelce  (knee)- The Eagles center will have arthroscopic surgery on Tuesday to determine the full extent of a knee injury he suffered during Sunday’s win over Baltimore. An MRI has already revealed a torn MCL and a partially torn ACL, which will keep Kelce out at least 4-6 weeks. With season-ending surgery a real possibility, this leaves yet another hole in the Eagles’ offensive line (LT Jason Peters is done for the year with a ruptured Achilles), and opposing defenses are probably getting anticiperections thinking about having an easier path to Michael Vick. [ESPN]
  • Aaron Hernandez (ankle)- The Patriots’ TE will most likely be out until October after injuring his right ankle during the Pats’ loss to Arizona on Sunday. You hear that sound? That’s the sound of thousands of fantasy owners wailing. [ESPN]
  • Matt Forte (*NO* ankle injury)- According to Bears head coach Lovie Smith, RB Matt Forte does not have a high ankle sprain. Hear that sound? That’s the sound of  thousands of fantasy owners letting out a collective sigh of relief (unless we find out it’s worse than a sprain, then bring on the wailing). [ESPN Chicago]
  • Brian Orakpo (pectoral), Adam Carriker (quad)- More terrible Redskins’ news, both LB Brian Orakpo and DE Adam Carriker will miss the rest of the season with a torn left pectoral muscle (Orakpo) and a torn quadriceps tendon (Carriker). [The Score]