Do not make direct eye contact with this creature. If you are merely in its presence you will be at first frozen, and then later melted. Nothing will make sense. A higher, godly power will be worshiped by a large bosomed temptress who eats hearts.
Behold Tim kardashian, a beast created by Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline.
Since Tim Tebow is the only conceivable subject of conversation when members of the media are talking to the Jets’ upcoming opponent even though he’s a meaningless nobody through two games and has six carries for 33 yards (he only touched a football once in Week 2), Tebow was the word of the day in the Dolphins locker room Wednesday. Personally, I still think that “bird” is a far better word, and infinitely more entertaining since Tebow only discusses nothing, ever.
Hartline has solved the riddle, though, and has forever made sense of Tebow, and why we still care so deeply about a backup quarterback. He’s a long lost Kardashian sister, or something.
From Dave Hyde of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel:
“That’s you guys, how much you love [him],” Hartline said of the media attention Tebow receives. “Everybody loves him, but the same people go with the Kardashians. I don’t know what they did, either.
“They’re on [magazine] covers everywhere. I mean, honestly. I know they’re really good people, do a lot of charity work. I just don’t know how they got started.”
Tim Kardashian? Is that the message here? Hartline then backtracked a bit, saying Tebow actually had done more than Kim or Chloe, that he actually won in college and in Denver.
It’s true that Tebow has had a period of his life when he was more than relevant. He was a star, leading a powerhouse Florida Gators football program, and then doing all of the winning last year in Denver.
But right here and right now with this current incarnation of Tebow, the Kardashian comparison seems quite apt, minus the lack of intercourse for the former, and the video evidence of ample intercourse for the leader of the Kardashian brand. In the world of celebrity, Kimmy Kim Kim inexplicably inspires fans — or which she has many who actually exist — to line up for hours for an autograph, or a picture, or a two second glimpse. Anything.
In our world, the one in which production at any position should be the primary driver of discussion, a backup quarterback who has yet to attempt a pass this year continues to dominate that conversation, and prompt a once respected network to celebrate his birthday by drowning in its own Tebow slobber.
So yes, Brian Hartline, Tim Kardashian works. Or at least it does until you watch the video below and replace our favorite vixen who wants to get naked and start the revolution with Tebow.