1. Can this cake dance shirtless and party rock in the house tonight?
2. Can this cake smash taters?
3. Can this cake sip alcohol from the belly button of a blond temptress?
4. Does this cake also come with Rob Gronkowski brand Zubaz pants?
5. Does this cake own a scooter?
If the answer is “no” to any of those questions, then this is not, in fact, an authentic Rob Gronkowski cake. Still, um, cool.