The lovely folks at Score Digital let me watch games on the weekends. Not even that, they pay me for it. For that I’m permanently indebted. This will never happen again. I assume Sal Paolantonio doesn’t give a fuck about said perks as he butters his bagels at Lincoln Financial Field.
With that said, I miss watching Bills games at bars. I miss watching games with a bunch of overgrown children who haven’t realized Dan Marino is an assclown. Straight up, Marino is Bashar Hafez al-Assad. Now that you’ve Googled said name and filed several justified complaints — I reached too far– let’s get to to the game.
Real Sports, the last bastion for the sports fan who hasn’t realized nobody gives a damn about their team, is a fun place to watch games. To our right was a bulbous Dolphins fan in a Marino jersey. I would’ve given him some sort of “dap” for his devotion if not for his hilarious praise of Ryan Tannehill. Thankfully I don’t hate myself. The night was filled with cut eyes and side glares. He was slightly menacing, thus my decision to refrain from direct eye contact — Bills fans pick their spots. After Leodis McKelvin’s punt return touchdown Dan turned and applauded us. I was confused. Not knowing the person I assumed he was just a nice guy, applauding an opening score that we really needed. He wasn’t.
Sarcasm detection should be a mandatory course in high school. The turnover rate for teachers of this class would be exponential, but it would be worth it. Somewhere along the way Dan completely lost the plot. The Bills benefited from a myriad of defensive penalties that were apt, even the most ardent Jimmy Buffet fan would agree. Stevie Johnson’s route running abilities — unmatched in the AFC East– were on display throughout. C.J. Spiller continued to make Chan Gailey look like the most inept coach in the NFL –give him the damn ball. On that note, what the fuck does Chan do during the week? This game should have been over at the end of the first half. Gailey’s neutered play calling destroying my soul. It’s an indictment on Ralph Wilson and the franchise as a whole that he remains as the Head Coach. Honestly, come on man.
This wasn’t a game for the offenses. The Bills’ defense put in a performance of the highest caliber. Marcell Dareus, Shawne Merriman — yes, him — Kyle Williams, Nick Barnett, and Nigel Bradham were immense. Best of all, Jairus Byrd made several plays, including a game-clinching interception, harkening back to his rookie of the year campaign.
It shouldn’t have been close. The Bills benefited from a slew of favorable calls that left Marino jersey in hysterics. Having forgone all sense of common courtesy, Dan began to cheer positive plays for the Bills, mockingly throwing out a flag in camaraderie with his South Floridan brethren — there were no other Dolphins fans in sight. His friends were ashamed.
Reggie Bush must watch Spiller with a jealous eye. He was supposed to be that guy. Instead, a stretch of eight poor performances has reduced the USC alum to irrelevancy. WHERE THE GIRLS AT REGGIE. Sorry, that was petty.
What stares the Bills in the face is opportunity. A trip to Indianapolis to visit Andrew Luck and the Colts is up next — a matchup that suits the visitors better than the home team, and the fixture against the Jaguars the week after could see Buffalo at 6-6 in two weeks. From there the schedule isn’t overly difficult. Stranger things have happened.
I want us to lose out. Drafting a QB and starting over is still the masterplan, even though the Bills defeating the Dolphins in a misleading –and meaningless in the end– game means something to us. The Bills were back in primetime. Brad Nessler wore a fancy coat. Chan trimmed his beard ever so slightly. The Bills move to 4-6, two games out of a wild card spot. If it’s not possible then so be it. This is why we watch.