The Thursday night schedule this year has often provided us with entertainment that’s on par with a day which consists of a dentist appointment, followed by a trip to see the in-laws. Or worse, visiting your in-laws, and one of them is also a dentist.

The coma-inducing blowout games have far outnumber the few that have provided real, genuine entertainment, as we’ve been blessed with a 36-7 Giants win over the Panthers, and most recently the Broncos’ 26-13 pwning of Oakland. If we could just ban the AFC West with the exception of Denver from playing in primetime games, that would be swell.

If our Madden predictor is correct, you should find something else to do tonight. Anything really. Go balance spoons, or take your cat for a walk.

Any other activity would be a far better use of time, because you’ll never get those three hours back.

Final Stats

Bengals Eagles
Total offense 256 75
Rushing yards 83 14
Passing yards 173 61
First downs 14 5

Comparables

Passing:

CIN – A. Dalton: 16 for 24, 181 yards, 1 TD
PHI – N. Foles: 10 for 15, 119 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT

Rushing:

CIN – B. Green-Ellis: 17 carries for 97 cards, 1 TD
PHI – B. Brown: 9 carries for 14 yards
CIN – B. Leonard: 3 carries for 1 yard, 1 TD

Receiving:

CIN – B. Leonard: 3 catches for 52 yards
PHI – J. Avant: 3 catches for 42 yards, 1 TD
CIN – A. Hawkins: 4 catches for 41 yards
CIN – A. Green: 3 catches for 40 yards
PHI – C. Harbor: 2 catches for 26 yards
PHI – D. Johnson: 1 catch for 22 yards
CIN – B. Green-Ellis: 2 catches for 21 yards
PHI – J. Maclin: 1 catch for 21 yards
CIN – J. Gresham: 2 catches for 15 yards
CIN – A. Binns: 2 catches for 12 yards, 1 TD
PHI – B. Brown: 3 catches for 8 yards

Ogletree of the week: Andy Dalton

Thoughts and Rants

  • The music this week is appropriately soothing, or at least it starts out that way. It’s a lullaby of sorts.
  • The Eagles managed to avoid the first shutout in the history of 100 Yards and Running sims with Nick Foles’ last minute touchdown pass to Jason Avant. The eight remaining virtual fans were pleased.
  • In reality football, Bryce Brown ran for six yards on 12 carries last week, and now Madden tells us that he’ll finish with 14 yards on nine carries tonight. Meet your maker, Brown owners.
  • On Dalton’s fourth quarter touchdown pass from Philly’s five-yard line, the Eagles sent both safeties on a delayed blitz. Man, Madden is really accurate with its portrayal of defensive incompetence.
  • Brian Leonard hasn’t scored a touchdown since Week 2 of 2010, making him the true Ogletree of this game.

The Three Things I Learned From This Simulation

1. Insomnia can be cured.

2. Brian Leonard still exists.

3. Philadelphia remains the city that tackling forgot.

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