As we mark the holiday season with another Bills loss — to the hated Dolphins of all teams — I thought this would be an appropriate time to hand out some gifts to the team. The idea isn’t original — theScore’s very own Archi Zuber created a magnificent list for the Toronto Blue Jays — but I can’t bring myself to write about the visual nightmare that took place in Miami. I’ll leave it at this — the players have clearly given up on Chan Gailey and the coaching staff. Never were so few fucks given by a defence tasked with stopping Reggie Bush.

It’s almost over. Unfortunately the Jets have managed to become more pathetic than us, making a win next week a strong possibility. 6-10. Sounds about right. Merry Christmas ass clowns.

For Chan — a spine

That will be my last 4Chan reference of the season. It’s been a ride. Chan Gailey didn’t have a lot of talent to work with. I can’t fault him for having a pretty terrible defence coupled with an offence that relied on one of the worst quarterbacks in the league. With that said, fuck you Chan. C.J Spiller was criminally underused this season. In games when C.J got a heavy look Gailey shied away from running the ball, using excuses like ‘C.J was winded.’ Stick with your convictions for once, please. Hopefully next week is the last time we see Gailey patrolling the Bills sidelines, but when he gets that next gig — Offensive Coordinator at Tallahassee State is my bet — a spine would be of use.

For Fitz — a plane ticket

By all accounts Ryan Fitzpatrick is a great guy. An also ran who ascended to a starting gig in the NFL, Fitzpatrick seemed to genuinely care about his failures on the field. He’d run like hell to tackle a linebacker who just picked him off and threw himself into defensive linemen who just recovered a fumble. I like him. He has to go. Hating people you don’t know is extremely petty and not worth your time. I don’t hate Fitz, but he’s got to leave. Leave. Be a decent backup quarterback in Arizona.

For C.J – a hammock

I don’t want anything from this guy. The acceleration is incredible, the vision indescribable. I’m not the person to talk to when it comes to future projections — yes, there was a time when J.P Losman was going to be our savior in my mind — but it’s hard not to get bogged down in hyperbole. This guy is going to be special.

For Stevie — a Quarterback

Disregard the fumble today — disregard the entire game — Stevie is the best route runner in the AFC. Imagine what he could do with Aaron Rodgers, Matt Schaub — anyone. Free this man. On a bit of a side note, the referees today were especially terrible. The Reggie Bush touchdown shouldn’t have counted — his foot was clearly on the line, the Stevie Johnson touchdown that was called back for no discernible reason, the backwards pass that wasn’t deemed backwards because Walt Anderson’s crew were thoroughly incompetent. That was special.

For Dave Wannstedt — a new defensive scheme

I’ve already made it, it’s xeroxed and ready to go. Step one: remove George Wilson from the starting lineup. Step two: Cut George Wilson. As I’ve written in the past, the Wilson story was nice but it’s time to end this. Da’Norris Searcy deserves a shot. Also, fire Dave Wannstedt.

Some quick hitters to end:

For Marcell — a care free holiday

None of this really matters in the end. It’s a damn game. In September Dareus’ brother was killed in a triple homicide. He hasn’t had a great year — I don’t blame him.

For Shawne — free hydro for a year

We’ll pay for your lights. Call it a day.

For Brian — I miss you charm bracelet

Hashtag never forget.

For Buddy — a satellite package

There are other conferences other than the SEC.

For Bills fans — a new season

It’s almost over. See you next week.