Soon, Manti Te’o will be NFL property. Yes, property, a word purposely used with all the coldness and cruelty it implies when referring to a human who — for at least the next few months — will be treated like a commodity to be purchased. And what a careful purchase it is, with teams thoroughly evaluating the possible first-round investment they’re about to make.

So after one of the most bizarre sports stories emerged yesterday involving his fake girlfriend and her fake death, prepare yourself to read and hear about endless character questions surrounding the former Notre Dame standout as his maturity is examined and doubted, and pretty little red flags are inserted in his cranium.

Let’s embrace that comedic calamity then with the always deadly accurate Taiwanese NMA interpretation of the events. I can’t think of a better way to begin draft season than leprechauns using a funnel to insert magic potion into a linebacker’s, um, glory hole?