Yes, it seems that major car companies want you to believe that shiny, expensive vehicles function as glistening beacons to blond women everywhere. They all meet on Tuesdays to schematically plan their pursuit of these cars. Please bring punch and pie.

That’s the theme of the Mercedes-Benz commercial for this year’s celebration of gluttony that is Super Bowl advertising, with a 30-second spot costing a cool $4 million. As they leak or are rejected (oddly, network executives frown on advertising porn publicly), we’ll be posting Super Bowl ads all week, because although some may hate to admit they enjoy such low-hanging fruit, the commercials are part of the Super Bowl package.

They entertain and confuse, and best of all, they give us monkeys playing bongos. We’ll also critique commercials during the game, because hard-hitting journo work remains our top priority (would you like a back rub?).

So with that I give you the extended Mercedes-Benz ad released today. Oh also, Kate Upton Kate Upton Kate Upton Kate Upton Kate Upton Kate Upton (SEO, ya’ll).