Sit down, young minds and aspiring journos alike, and let me tell you a story about this here industry, and the immense personal sacrifice.

There was a time so very long ago when social interaction meant talking to someone. Also, I’m not really sure what a newspaper is anymore or how it works, as my memory of such a time when paper was used for anything that didn’t involve a toilet is foggy. I am an old, decaying veteran of this profession now (personal note: I’m 27). But I’m told that the contrast of black text on a long, white sheet of paper produced words which could be consumed by readers daily.

There were men and women who slaved over those words, often only having contact with their loved ones through telegrams. During this week — Super Bowl week, the holiest of all sports weeks — those minions would deliver our required dose of daily Super Bowl feature fluff to us every morning. Could you imagine a world where we don’t have everything we desire instantly? I know, I’m scared too.

Anywho, the times, they’re still a changin’. Today we’ve witnessed something truly historic: the birth of a new journalistic technique designed to quite literally soften up the subject.

We’ll call it the rub and ask.