When there are thoughts in your head, they arrived there because you created them. They reflect your beliefs, your opinion, and your worldview. Often, those thoughts are mundane (this weather sucks) and meaningless (this coffee sucks too). But you’re still thinking them, and you’re still feeling them.

That’s what makes Chris Culliver’s apology for his derogatory and homophobic remarks regarding gay players in an NFL locker room such utter nonsense. It’s as if he put his hand in steaming dong, and chucked it at us. Repeatedly, and in large clumps (hey, how’s that breakfast bagel? Yum).

Here’s his apology, which was remarkably issued in statement form, meaning it was filtered through the 49ers public relations staff. Or more likely, what’s below isn’t Culliver’s words or thoughts at all.

“The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel. It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.”

Props for apologizing, Chris, even though there was surely a hand at your ear dragging you to a dark office somewhere. But if these are Culliver’s words, that’s bad. And if this statement was written for him, that’s worse.

Culliver needed to entirely own his comments, and his foolish response during an equally foolish interview he shouldn’t have accepted. Bland public relations damage control is the best kind, and the latter part of his statement (“I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended…”) fits that description. But the rest is…odd, and it reflects a further lack of intelligence.

When Culliver spoke to Artie Lange during Super Bowl Media Day and said that he “can’t be near that sweet stuff” in reference to a gay player in an NFL locker room, that was his belief. And beliefs originate as thoughts, and thoughts are something you feel. It’s a cognitive cycle that’s so mind-numbingly rudimentary that I feel as though I’m insulting humanity by using any more words to explain it.

As I type this Culliver is speaking to the media and apologizing further, essentially repeating the statement above to anyone who would like to listen (which is everyone). His teammates have defended him, with Patrick Willis saying he’s a young kid who made a mistake. Sure, that’s true, but he’s still plenty old enough (24) to have some sense of decency, and realize the forum where he was speaking. Homophobia is never acceptable, but that’s multiplied ten-fold when it’s coming from the mouth of a football player during Super Bowl week.

And now the links part of the links post…

  • There are a lot of stats that favor the 49ers Sunday. A lot. [Mike Sando]
  • This Dan Marino story is currently taking over the Internet. He’s not polished and squeaky clean after all, because no one is, ever. [New York Post]
  • It’s been a slice, Donald Driver. The Packers’ all-time leader in receptions and receiving yards will officially retire next week. [USA Today]
  • The Eagles could soon sign Dennis Dixon, who ran Chip Kelly’s offense at Oregon. [CSN Philly]