In a little over 48 hours, we’ll finally sit down to watch a football game. That’s when Phil Simms will begin his butchering of the English language while he continues to proudly hate logic.
It could be worse, I guess. If the network rights for this year’s Super Bowl didn’t belong to CBS, we could be subjected to Jon Gruden, and his slobbering over “these guys” and “that guy” and the SEC SEC SEC SEC. Also, his acid-fueled diatribes that insult the good name of John Wayne, and end in Mike Tirico being challenged to a duel.
But Simms is legendary for both his constant stumbling, and his inability to be coherent while piecing together a thought. Any thought, really, and he also has an unmatched talent for stating the obvious. He’s therefore a color guy who provides us with only two shades: black and white, with maybe a dash of gray.
Like Gruden with his usage of guy or guys, Simms has his favorite phrase too: “talked about”. The Twitter account @philsimmsquotes does the lord’s work during each game Simms works, recording and tweeting each stumble so it lasts for all of eternity. Their official records state that his single-game high for “talked about” usage is 41. C’mon, Phil, we believe. Break 50 Sunday.
To prepare you for the mental bludgeoning we’ll all endure Sunday, in no particular order here’s a list of Simms’ best recent quotes from the playoffs, and late in the regular season. Remember, it’s called a forward pass because it has to go forward.