Ha what a cheapskate. Nosebleeds suck, bro.

Excuse me, I have to get something out of my system…


It’s finally here, guys. We’ve been dissecting three hours of football for two weeks, and now after 10 hours of pre-game coverage we’ll actually watch a real game. That’s assuming of course that we survive the great chicken wing shortage of 2013. Hold me.

We’ll be with you now for, oh, 12 hours or so, with some final commentary leading up to game time, and then all of the moving picture fun you could possibly desire to enhance your Super Bowl viewing experience. We’ll also critique the commercials, because if there’s one thing the Internet is lacking, it’s an expert voice on Supermodel makeout sessions. Oh, and we’ll document Phil Simms’ butchering of the English language, and Beyonce’s bouncing.

Yep, get comfortable, because there’s no reason to move now until tomorrow morning. Seriously, you made that hose contraption from the couch to the toilet, right? Good.

So let’s start things off on a bit of a lighter note.

As you’re preparing your props sheet right now in which you intend to wager far too much money on a purple Gatorade bath, there are many others in New Orleans clutching stupidly expensive Super Bowl tickets. The price of the ticket pictured above is on the absolute low end way up where Kleenex boxes come with your purchase, as the average price is about $3,000. Even if that’s not exactly shocking, don’t let the sheer enormity of the price of a three-hour experience get lost on you. As I wrote a week ago, for half of that price you can get an all-inclusive week on a Caribbean beach where foreign alcohol is consumed from morning until dawn.

There was a time so very long ago that the price of a Super Bowl ticket was on par with a pack of Juicy Fruit. Or actually, several packs. From Mike Freeman, here’s a ticket for the first Super Bowl between the Green Bay Packers and Kansas City Chiefs (Green Bay won, 35-10).

Also of note, the kickoff time at 1 p.m. It seems primetime half-hour halftime show extravaganzas weren’t a concern in the before time, probably because trumpeter Al Hirt didn’t need a worldwide audience.