If we’re ever going to take JaMarcus Russell’s comeback attempt seriously (note: we’re not going to take it seriously), he needs to demonstrate that he can run, scramble, and shuffle in the pocket. Those are normal quarterback things, and the problem is that he’s never really been a normal quarterback. No, he’s been much worse.

Today we’ve learned the exact slope of his mountain. In short, his journey into the figurative snowy Neverland above will probably end sort of like this…

Russell has been training at Test West in San Diego, with Jeff Garcia present to help him with his footwork and quarterback drills. Seriously.

He recently tested out his purple drank infused legs by running the 40-yard dash, and he posted a time of 5.2 seconds. For some perspective, that’s less than a second faster than Rich Eisen, who posted a personal best 6.03 while wearing a full suit. Eisen is a studio host, and Russell is an athlete, or at least he’s trying so very hard to be one.

And for even more perspective, Russell’s 40 time at the 2007 Scouting Combine was 4.76. Keep chugging, big guy.

He also has a bit of added girth. Like, say, about 45 pounds worth, the gap between this weight now (310 pounds), and his plumpness during his prime (246 pounds), if such a time existed.

So there you have it. All JaMarcus has to do is trim off nearly 50 pounds, and run the 40-yard dash 0.5 seconds faster to become the same Russell who is widely regarded as the worst draft bust in NFL history. No pressure.