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Earlier this week Brian Hartline signed a contract worth $30.6 million ($12.5 million of which is guaranteed) that will keep him in Miami for the next five years. Money isn’t an issue for him, yet unlike some of his peers who are spending their offseason traveling to exotic locations and, I dunno, climbing ice walls, Hartline is working at a convenience store.

No really, this is actually happening. As the frenzy of free agency hits its second full day and many millions continue to be thrown at the feet of Pro Bowlers and reserve scrubs alike, Harline is chillin’ and taking drive thru orders.

We learned about this little bit of awesome during Hartline’s recent interview with The Dan LeBatard Show. After the receiver’s new-found wealth was discussed, the conversation turned to the Dolphins’ other offseason moves, and Hartline’s opinion of them. Hartline didn’t have much of an opinion, because he’s been too busy being the richest Smart Stop cashier ever.

Here’s the exchange between Hartline and Lebatard (via Philly.com):

“Today I’m kinda busy. I’m working at a drive thru up in Ohio, freezing my butt off.”

“You’re working in a drive thru?”

“Yeah, you know, a drive thru convenience store?”

‘Yeah.”

“That’s where I work.”

Umm, please explain yourself, Brian. Surely this isn’t some kind of mandated Stephen Ross offseason character building, right? If this works, soon enough Tom Brady will greet you at Dunkin’ Donuts every morning, and Jared Allen will change your oil.

This is a sort of hobby for Hartline, and an investment. Unfortunately, he and his business partner haven’t yet mastered the fine craft of keeping a proper inventory.

Hartline said he and his friend Jesse – whose been running stores like this since he was 15 – bought the store, Smart Stop, in January and business has been pretty good, but they are out of skim milk at the moment.

It’s always the skim milk first. Always.

Comments (2)

  1. The sales that keep these Ohio drive thrus thriving is alcohol. They are basically drive thru beer and cigarette stores.

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