For some, it’s an exciting way to keep sports interesting while also adding an element of danger to their otherwise boring and empty lives (it’s either gamble or make the transition from canned to deviled ham).
For others, it’s a crippling addiction that manifests itself in the form of wagering rent money on Peyton Manning’s ability to throw a football, or Mark Sanchez’s ability to be so incredibly mediocre that you can pretty much put all of your food money on black (“black” being Sanchez doing something hilariously goofy that will no doubt cost the Jets a football game).
We invite those of you that don’t have a degenerate gambling problem and have also had their fill of deviled ham to gamble with us during the first round of the NFL draft.
What else are you going do on a Thursday night? Be a responsible and functioning member of society? I didn’t think so.
1. In hours, how long will Rich Eisen last before he’s driven to drink by the inane jokes and over the top faux laughter of Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin? (o/u: 6.5)
2. How many times will an analyst use the word “sleeper” to describe a player, eventually causing said player to become overexposed and no longer a sleeper? (o/u: 55)
3. BONUS: How many times will analysts say that a sleeper has “tremendous upside”? (o/u: 45)
4. How many times will the Manti Te’o debacle be mentioned on the broadcast when discussing his possible tumble out of the top 32? (o/u: 6)
5. BONUS: While they are discussing Te’o’s saga, how many times will the words “Catsifh” or “Catfished” be used? (o/u: 3)
6. DOUBLE BONUS: How many ex-teammates of Te’o called him up during the offseason using a hilariously fake falsetto voice in hopes that he would fall in love with them so they could get their 15 minutes of fame on MTV? (o/u:7)
7. In decibels, how loudly will NFL commissioner Roger Goodell be booed every time he takes the mic, is shown on camera, or displays any glimmer of smugness? (o/u: 165.5)
8. How many drug tests will former LSU cornerback Tyrann Mathieu fail by the time I’m finished typing this sentence? (o/u: 10)
9. How many “Ogletree in motion” and “Ogletree of life” references will I make when linebacker Alec Ogletree is eventually drafted in the first round? (o/u: 2) (Quite frankly one is too many)
10. How many times will NFL network analysts mispronounce defensive tackle (and possible top 10 pick) Star Lotulelei’s name? (o/u: 187)
11. BONUS: After Lotulelei is drafted, how many blogs/newspapers/websites will use the hacky headline “A Star is born” when announcing the pick? (o/u: 1287)
See you Thursday, and don’t forget to bring money.