I’m 87% sure those abs are fake

The first round of the 2013 NFL Draft happened on Thursday night, and it was a relatively interesting (and overblown) affair.

  • Manti Te’o and Geno Smith went undrafted (Smith reportedly left town, thus missing out on the continental breakfast he was promised at the local Hampton Inn).
  • Joe Namath made Phil Simms bathe in his hungry/liquor breath.
  • When the Bills drafted QB E.J. Manuel, the entire city of Buffalo wept in unison, causing serious flash floods.
  • 32 young football stars shook Roger Goodell’s hand for an uncomfortably long time.

Vikings fans

These two people are adults (?)


We all know that Joe drank all of the alcohol in the state of New York, what’s your excuse Phil?


That’s some Marge Simpson level hat stuffage.


Luke Joekel is this century’s Dennis the Menace. Look at that mischievous scamp.


Roger: “You smell magnificent.” Dion: “Please stop touching me”


I’m pretty sure we’re witnessing the incredibly rare “quintuple vinegar strokes” combo. It’s terrifyingly beautiful.

No jokes. Just a fantastic moment.

No jokes. Just a fantastic moment.

Some folk'll never lose a toe, but then again some folk'll...

Some folk’ll never lose a toe, but then again some folk’ll…


"Try the veal...child."

“Try the veal…child.”