merriman-again2

I’m not sure if I’ve written this once, twice, or 19 times over the past few days, but we’re still in that lowly May period between the draft and the beginning of OTAs. Sure, there’s always something going on in NFL land, and at worst I can just make stuff up (#journalism). But during these trying times it’s always nice to have a little slice of awesome to get us through the darkness.

Lately, we’ve done even better than that, as we’ve been able to deliver you a sort of daily morning brew of awesome. Yesterday it was the urgent breaking news of Von Miller becoming the league leader in chicken tattoos. That man is passionate about his chickens, and any player who starts a poultry operation as an offseason hobby is a friend of mine.

Now I give you this: Shawne Merriman could soon be the most feared ninja in America.

Coming to us by way of NFL.com’s Gregg Rosenthal, we learn that Merriman — the retired defensive end who most recently played for the Bills — has declared his intention to participate in Season five of American Ninja Warrior. Earlier this week he was rather excited about the summer he’ll spend leaping to reach high objects while swinging on a rope over water. Cold water, likely.

For those unfamiliar with the show, don’t apologize. You surely gravitate to much more normal television pursuits (Duck Dynasty FTW!). But eventually one evening early morning you’ll stumble home followed by the pleasant aroma of cheap beer. Then you’ll turn on the television, and there it will sit: like a long lost friend, American Ninja Warrior will be there waiting for you at 3 a.m., and it’ll be the greatest thing in the world.

A spin-off of the Japanese series Sasuke (because of course), the series asks dudes who are (ideally) highly nimble and athletic to navigate their way through elaborate obstacle courses, and the top 10 competitors at the end move on to face a much more difficult course in Japan that so far no American has conquered.

Here’s an example of what Merriman is up against. Note that this clip also doubles as a sort of mini documentary showing a very experienced obstacle course guy recovering from a torn ACL. So, yeah…

I’d like you to look at the physical makeup of the gentleman in that video as he runs, and jumps, and scales walls. Then I’d like you to note that during his playing days, Merriman checked in at 6’4″ and 261 pounds. And then I’d like you to go back to about the two minute mark of the video, and watch the part where he moves between the narrow gap of two walls after jumping up to that point, with nothing but water underneath.

I just found what I’m watching this summer.

Comments (3)

    • Wow. Welp, maybe those things I wrote about Merriman being screwed won’t be true at all, even a little bit.

  1. Merriman is a washed up scrub. We were happy to see you leave San Diego. Cannot wait for you to get your lights knocked out on ANW.

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