Wherever Brian Urlacher lands eventually — if he lands anywhere…eventually — he’ll be the weakest link. Which is why we remain hopeful that he’ll land somewhere, because fake footballing is much more enjoyable when there’s an aging slow guy playing middle linebacker for the team tasked with stopping your running back.

The latest and newest report regarding Urlacher doesn’t really feel new at all.

Yes, please get multiple grains of salt ready. In fact I would screw off the top of a salt shaker, and just dump it on your computer.

In a column in which he dutifully informs us of pressing Lady Gaga developments (she prefers bars that serve boiled eggs and beef jerky, or something), Chicago Sun-Times gossip writer Michael Sneed dropped this:

Sneed hears that former Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher, whose stellar, longtime career with the Bears began with a growl and ended with a whimper, is getting close to finding a new pigskin playground.

Sneed is told that Urlacher, whose decision to leave the Bears followed their offer of a $1.6 million renewal contract, has been talking to the Minnesota Vikings and the Denver Broncos. “It’s getting close to happening, but Brian is leaning toward heading to Minnesota and is talking a one to two year contract,” said a source close to Urlacher.

Oh yeah, he also evidently enjoys referring to himself in the third person. Please insert your obligatory Seinfeld reference here.

Urlacher being connected to either of those teams isn’t surprising, especially not the Vikings, a team that remains the most likely Urlacher destination if the 34-year-old signs anywhere.

That’s true even though Vikings general manager Rick Spielman announced earlier this offseason that he doesn’t anticipate signing the Bears legend. But he still left the door at least slightly ajar immediately following a draft in which a gaping hole at middle linebacker wasn’t addressed, saying this when asked if signing Urlacher remains even a faint possibility…

“I would say (yes), just because it’s the unknown,” the Vikings’ general manager said in an interview with 1500 ESPN. “But I think we have a lot of prospects there, and it’ll be interesting to see what happens as we go through this process and which guys — ‘Oh, yeah, we feel very good.’ … We do have some good, young bodies that are viable candidates.”

For now, Erin Henderson is slated to slide over and play the middle, and at worst putting a defender in an unnatural position is on par with employing the aging and slowing Urlacher.

If he signs with the Vikings, fantasy production will likely be mighty fine for the assortment of fast guys who carry footballs out of the backfield in Minnesota’s division. This past season against the Bears, Adrian Peterson ran for 108 yards on an even and rather outstanding six yards per carry. Peterson could soon be Urlacher’s teammate, but running backs who can easily gain the edge on linebackers who lack lateral speed are scattered throughout the division (Matt Forte, Reggie Bush, Edde Lacy, Johnathan Fraklin).