In these long and cold offseason months, we’ve aimed to have a steady and pleasant mix of fantasy analysis and commentary for summer drafts that already aren’t too far away, and irreverent fun stuff. We’re doing this partly to keep you sane, but mostly to keep me sane. Thankfully, despite all our wanderings through octopus sightings and O.J. Simpson tattoos, we’ve avoided any mention of Justin Bieber.

That ends now (sorry).

Behold the story of a little child man who can’t drive his expensive vehicle in a respectable manner (he could be upset and lost without his monkey) and citizen policeman Keyshawn Johnson.

The floor is yours, TMZ:

Sources tell us … Keyshawn — a former NFL superstar — had just left a party Sunday night inside of his exclusive gated community in Calabasas (with his child in the car), when Bieber zoomed by in his Ferrari at breakneck speeds.

We’re told Keyshawn was furious — feeling Justin could’ve killed someone — so he brought his kid home, then chased after the singer in his Prius (yes, a Prius chasing a Ferrari).

When KJ got to Bieber’s pad — he blocked Justin’s Ferrari in the driveway and got out of his car to confront Justin face-to-face … but Justin ran inside of his house and refused to come out.

We’ve learned three truths:

1. Keyshawn Johnson can be a large, scary man.

2. The Biebs doesn’t like to associate with large, scary men.

3. Every website on the Internet enjoys some easy clickin’ fun (HI!), but TMZ really cashes in with this URL gold while speculating that Bieber “appeared stoned”:

URGENT UPDATE: Biebs has now graduated from pissing off former Pro Bowlers, to drawing the ire of a Hall of Famer. Madness!