Chad Johnson is an idiot


I almost wasn’t going to post about this, mostly because we shouldn’t care about Chad Johnson anymore, and I’d rather spend my early June Monday writing about other banal NFL matters. But I couldn’t resist the charm (charm? Yes, charm) of his astounding stupidity.

As you’ll surely recall, there was an arrest warrant issued for Johnson a few weeks ago after he missed a meeting with his probation officer, a routine rendezvous which stemmed from his domestic incident with former wife Evelyn Lozada. Simply showing up for that meeting was apparently far too difficult.

To escape a jail sentence he had reached a plea deal, and that feels like another sort of formality. Famous rich guy dodges jail time, blah blah, whatever. And that’s probably where this story would have ended had it not been for Johnson’s supreme idiocy.

Oh please tell us more, Associated Press:

A plea deal that called for no jail time fell apart Monday. Broward Judge Kathleen McHugh rejected it after Johnson playfully slapped his attorney on the behind in court. McHugh says Johnson wasn’t taking things seriously enough, even after he apologized. McHugh also extended Johnson’s probation for three months.

A detail is missing there, one that’s sort of important. Johnson’s lawyer is a man.

Seriously, this happened. Most people are fully aware that they’ve done something illegal and/or dumb when they’re in court, and they approach the proceedings with the required amount of respect and decorum, hoping they can squirt by with a minimal punishment.

Chad Johnson isn’t most people. He is, and will forever be, a complete idiot.