You can rely on the Internet to provide you with many things consistently, from all varieties of porn to various angry cats. But the most consistently pushed piece of sometimes shameful consumption are the random betting props, especially as they relate to the NFL.

Hey, do you think Aaron Rodgers will throw a touchdown pass in the second quarter of the Packers’ Week 2 game at the 3:14 mark? There’s a prop for that somewhere.

So of course, with Tim Tebow now officially on a practice field in New England, there are avenues to wager on his crappiness, and overall relevance during the 2013 NFL season. Here’s BoDog‘s offering:

Tim Tebow – Will he make the Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster?     

Yes                   -400      (1/4)

No                    +250     (5/2)

Tim Tebow – Will he start a game as a QB for the Patriots in the 2013 Regular Season?       

Yes                  +600     (6/1)

No                    -1200    (1/12)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Will he throw a TD Pass in the 2013 Regular Season?           

Yes                  +200    (2/1)

No                    -300     (1/3)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Total Rushing & Receiving TD’s in the 2013 Regular Season

Over/Under                   1.5

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Will he attempt a Pass in the 2013 Regular Season? 

Yes                   -300    (1/3)

No                    +200    (2/1)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Pro tip: don’t put even three cents on any of those. But some of you inevitably will, so here are a few stray thoughts:

  • Since there’s no guaranteed money in his contract, the Patriots’ minicamp and training camp function as a long tryout. Tebow’s useless as a quarterback behind Tom Brady and Ryan Mallett, so if he can’t be at least sort of OK as a tight end or running back, he’ll be cut at no cost.
  • A puppy from Mars has a better chance of starting a game at quarterback for the Patriots this season than Tebow. Yes, I believe in dog life on Mars.
  • Ditto for the touchdown pass, though there’s at least a faint, reaching, clawing chance that he’ll score either on the ground, or through some trickery as a receiver.
  • And the same nearly hopeless odds apply to Tebow attempting a pass. The idea of Brady being pulled for Tebow under any circumstance makes me want to stop watching football forever. But there’s a chance — again, a slim, reaching one — that as part of some gadget play Tebow attempts one pass. One, single pass.

I think we can confidently say that Aaron Hernandez won’t be placing any bets, and not just because that’s illegal and grimy for him as a player. Even if it wasn’t, he has no clue what the hell is going on…

Now, about Bill Belichick’s Tebow press conference (this one, in case you missed it), and the apparent angst over his short answers among some members of the media: what, exactly, did you expect?

After watching the presser and reading the reaction both through the written digitized word and tweets on the Twitters, I observed how keenly aware the media is of Tebow’s ability to be a distraction through the media (two Hubboch links, we’re going for the high score). It’s a very dizzying cycle, and although I was briefly compelled to write a much longer post and search the vast land of Tebow to locate the origin of that everlasting vortex and its meaning, be thankful I’m not subjecting you to more than this.

Tebow is, at his very best, a third-string quarterback, though there’s great uncertainty surrounding his status as an NFL quarterback. This offseason numerous quarterbacks who at least equal Tebow’s lack of throwing talent have been signed with little fanfare, from Luke McCown to Seneca Wallace and Rex Grossman. They’re all depth signings, and bodies to provide competition throughout the offseason. But if they ever throw a meaningful pass, their team is screwed. Absolutely, utterly screwed.

That’s who Tim Tebow is, or at least who he is right now until Belichick and Josh McDaniels succeed where Tony Sparano failed, and figure out a way to make him useful at a position that isn’t quarterback. He’s a depth signing in June, and he can be jettisoned as quickly as he was acquired. Yet for reasons entirely removed from football — be it his religious beliefs, or his perch as one of the most influential figures of our time, apparently — Tebow’s mere presence is still considered a distraction.

And because he’s present, the beat writers searching for narratives during a press conference — which as an event is now inherently far more a form of entertainment than it is a place to gather unique information — want to talk about Tebow, not just because of those outside factors that make him compelling and magnetic, but because people know him. The simple fact that the average American knows who Tebow is (68 percent of the U.S. population recognizes Tebow, according to Q Scores, compared to 30 percent for the average athlete) and what he’s done, and what he stands for keeps the questions coming, even though it’s been over a year since he did anything of note on a football field.

Tebow is viewed as a distraction because we want him to be a distraction, and because he’s an easy entry point for those removed from the NFL to form a critical opinion on a football matter, or at least attempt to do that. For a time, his status as a distraction almost made Tebow unemployable, and untouchable.

Most of all, though, Tebow gives everyone — and especially those who follow the NFL only loosely — a chance to do something that gives them deep enjoyment: debate a topic passionately.

Meanwhile, Bill Belichick just wants to talk about football.