weiner dog

Sometimes I take a few jabs at the Browns, but it’s not meant with malice. I usually say something about losing a lot of games and making the playoffs only once since they returned to the league in 1999, and then I throw in a few lazy jokes about The Factory of Sadness and Cleveland tourism. You then either laugh or hate me, but do either action briefly before moving on with other distractions.

In truth, I think that if Trent Richardson can stay healthy, the Browns could significantly improve this season. And that would be a glorious thing to behold, because much like the Bills Mafia (cringes), cruelly Browns fans are among the most dedicated and passionate in the league, and yet they’re still also the most tortured.

Yesterday the story of a man who took his Browns obsession to the grave circulated. Scott E. Entsminger died on July 4, and he requested that six Browns players be his pall bearers so that the team could “let him down one last time”. Instead, the organization is giving his widow a customized jersey with the number of Entsminger’s favorite Browns player (Lou Groza) on the back.

That’s serious, burning passion from a fan base that doesn’t need to be entertained by a bunch of wiener dogs. But whatever, who cares, because wiener dog races are the best thing a person can watch in their lifetime.

The Browns are trying to upgrade the stadium experience, a good fight that many teams are fighting. They’ve brought aboard a hired hand who has a fancy new title (Kevin Griffin, the new vice president of fan experience). His ideas range from the basic but effective and needed (modernizing the music at games), to things that go boom (improving player introductions).

And then there’s the wiener dog race. Here’s Will Burge from ESPN Cleveland explaining the awesomeness that will transpire:

Here is how it works: One game a year the fastest wiener dogs in the Midwest will put their “speed” to the test. The dogs will line up at the 50 yard line and Chomps (the Browns mascot) will wave a green flag. The dogs will then awkwardly run towards the end zone. First dog to the Dawg pound wins.

The idea came from a similar event the Seahawks held in 2011. These wiry little guys can fly…

Eventually, we need a league where animals forever take over all halftime experiences. Monkeys riding dogs already have Denver locked down.

Lead pic via this random place on the Internet