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People who watch football never need an excuse to bet on football, and they really don’t need another avenue to pursue their degenerate desires. But every year during the Super Bowl we’re given the opportunity to abandon all sense of shame and wager real money on random occurrences that often have little connection to actual football.

And it’s the best.

Say, do you think the winning head coach will be doused in Glacier Freeze Gatorade, or Cool Blue? There’s a prop for that, and a whole lot of unhealthy analysis too because money. Do you think Joe Buck will say “BEAST MODE!!!” at least eight times? Throw down them bones.

Come with me then, and let’s spend far too much time thinking about random things. All of the props and odds below really exist, and you can throw your paycheck down on them over at Bovada or Sports Interaction.

Oldies but goodies

How long will Renee Fleming take to sing the national anthem length?

  • Over/Under two minutes and 30 seconds

It’s the second straight year the league has tossed us a wild card on this classic prop. Last year Alicia Keyes and her piano freelancing took her to nearly the three-minute mark, topping out at 2:50. This year, a famed soprano should easily match that.

But like every damn thing on this list of easy ways to make financial donations, the anthem length is a wild beast. Two years ago Kelly Clarkson blasted through in about one minute and 40 seconds, and three years ago Christina Aguilera’s infamous flub came in a belt out lasting just under two minutes.

Will she forget or omit one word?

  • Yes (+300)
  • No (-500

This prop lives on because of that Aguilera kerfuffle. In Fleming we trust this year. She’s a professional, boss.

What will be higher: Fleming’s anthem length or Manning’s first half passing yards?

  • Fleming’s anthem length measured by seconds (-120)
  • Manning’s first half passing yards (-120)

Sweet, we’re already cracking out the crazy.

Alright so let’s assume Fleming closes right around the cut line above, and give her a final anthem length of, say, 2:35. That’s 155 seconds, and Manning has averaged roughly 135.5 passing yards per half. But an already mind twisting prop gets a little more bendy when we remind ourselves that as absurd as Manning’s season was, 10 of his 18 games so far have come against pass defenses ranked 25th or worse. The Seahawks are slightly better than that, making any passing whatsoever difficult, and matching that per half mark downright mountainous. Give me Fleming, and unless I’m grossly mistaken, this will be the first time Manning has ever been beaten at anything by an opera singer.

Will the coin toss land on heads or tails?

  • Ummm, 50/50

Yes, math and common sense tell us that every coin flip is a 50/50 proposition. But a roulette wheel tells us that out of sheer dumb happenstance, the same result can occur multiple times in a row, without any real explanation aside from the universe shrugging its shoulders. Looking back at the Super Bowl coin toss history (oh yeah, we’re falling deep down the rabbit hole now), overall heads leads tails 24-23, which makes sense. But heads has come up in five straight years, and six of the past seven. Which…doesn’t make sense? Yeah, shoulder shrug.

Who wins the coin toss? The AFC team or NFC team?

  • Ummmmmm, 50/50?

Again, the Super Bowl coin works in mysterious ways. Prior to 2011, the NFC team won 14 straight coin tosses. Annnd more shoulder shrugging.

What color is the Gatorade dumped on the winning coach?

  • Orange (1/1)
  • Clear (5/2)
  • Yellow (15/4)
  • Red (15/2)
  • Blue (10/1)
  • Green (15/1)

For the first time in over a decade, there was no Super Bowl dousing last year, which was sad. Cruising with a wager on clear is always pretty safe, because that’s been the Gatorade waterfall color of choice in four of the past 13 Super Bowls. Only yellow and orange are the other repeat colors during that time.

Weather stuff

Will it snow during the game? (snow must clearly be shown on TV)

  • Yes (+300)
  • No (-500)

As of right now there’s only a 10 percent chance of precipitation.

What will the temperature be at kickoff?

  • Over 32 degrees Fahrenheit (-250)
  • Under 32 degrees Fahrenheit (+170)

The daytime high is expected to reach 41, which is about where the temperature will be at kickoff, with the low dipping to 28 as the game progresses. Take the over.

Sightings, words, and mentions

How many times will Eli Manning be shown on TV during the game?

  • o/u: 1.5

There’s a handful of these every year, and specifically this year both of the Manning men who will be watching (Eli and Archie) have odds on their faces (not literally, because that would be weird). Bovada has Archie a touch lower than Eli (o/u: 1), but seeing either more than once entirely rests on the outcome. If the Broncos hold a close late lead, the Fox producers will quickly start Jonesing for some nervous family shots.

How many times will “12th man” be said by the announcers during the game?

  • o/u: 2

This is situation dependent too. Seahawks fans travel well, and the mentions of their moniker will rest on the score, and if it starts to get stupid loud when the Broncos have the ball.

How many times is “beast mode” said?

  • o/u: 2

Like Fleming, Joe Buck is a professional, dammit, and he usually doesn’t hammer nicknames deep into the ground.

How many times will Manning say “Omaha”?

  • o/u: 27.5

Manning has paid tribute to what will become a popular Broncos fan honeymoon destination 75 times over just his last two games, and 44 of those came in the divisional round. Yeah, 27 won’t be a problem.

Will the announcers say the word “marijuana”?

  • Yes (+350)
  • No (-600)

Pretty sure Buck has a firm “smoke it don’t say it” policy. Again, the man is a professional, with his voice only seldom rising above monotone levels.

Will the announcers mention that Russell Wilson was also drafted as a baseball player?

  • Yes (+150)
  • No (-200)

This fun little fact is quickly becoming comparable to Jimmy Graham’s background. Hey, did you guys know he played basketball? BASKETBALL!

Halftime happenings

Will any member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers be shirtless?

  • Yes (-120)
  • No (-120)

I don’t think I can picture Flea and Anthony Kiedis with their shirt on. Sadly, I also have a mental image of them wearing tube socks where tube socks shouldn’t be worn.

What will Bruno Mars wear on his head?

  • Fedora (-150)
  • Fur hat (+550)
  • Tuque (+500)
  • No hat (+250)

Head on over to the Google machine, and punch in a simple “Bruno Mars” query. What you’re then greeted with is roughly 68 pictures of him wearing a fedora. However, those are in warmer and comfier temperatures, so Mars may be wise to crack out the Pharrell/Arby’s hat.

Players doing things

Will Percy Harvin get injured and be unable to return?

  • Yes (+300)
  • No (-500)

Harvin has played all of 39 snaps this season, but his most recent injury (a concussion sustained against the Saints) was the product of crushing yet random hits. So basically, horrible luck.

Will Manning throw a pick 6?

  • Yes (+400)
  • No (-700)

Including the post-season Manning has attempted 738 passes this year. Only 11 of those have landed in hands that didn’t belong to a Broncos receiver, and just two ended in a pick 6.

Will Wes Welker drop a pass?

  • Yes (-120)
  • No (-120)

Welker had a pretty famous doink two Super Bowls ago, and his turfings go far beyond that. Since he made his first playoff appearance with the Patriots in 2007, Welker has nearly doubled the post-season drops of any other pass catcher. Of course, reading too much into that rate is a dangerous thing, as Welker has played a lot of playoff games, and therefore he’s had far more balls thrown at him than most other receivers during the time period in question. But hey, he drops balls, OK? And the chances of one Sunday are mighty good.

Will Knowshon Moreno cry during the national anthem?

  • Yes (+170)
  • No (-150)

If Moreno can unleash missile tears during the regular season, another bombing prior to the Super Bowl seems pretty likely. There are many wagers on this list that feel wrong for many reasons. Betting on a man crying is certainly among them.

Will Richard Sherman receive a pass interference penalty?

  • Yes (+400)
  • No (-700)

Sherman may be a physical grappler, but he’s smart about it, since he’s smart about most things. Over his 51 career games including the playoffs, Sherman has been flagged for a pretty modest eight pass interference penalties, but five of them have come this year.

Will Michael Crabtree mention Sherman in a tweet during the game?

  • Yes (+300)
  • No (-500)

If he does, we need another prop on the use of the “Fake” hashtag. Three times is two times too many, Crab.

Also, never manually retweet. It’s bad for the #Brand.