Made possible by Pepsi.
It’s that time of year, once again. Time to watch the Super Bowl with friends, family and a bunch of other people you’ve never met before. While meeting new people can sometimes be intimidating, we’ve got you covered with this fun way of keeping track of all the new people you’ll be meeting. After all, strangers are just friends you haven’t met.
Here’s a quick description of everyone you should be on the lookout for at your Super Bowl party. Standard BINGO rules apply.
Wannabe Guy Fieri: We get it. You took great care in making those chicken wings. Yes, we already knew that Buffalo Sauce is just Tobasco and butter. Wow. You added garlic? That’s so crazy. Sadly, no, this Super Bowl party isn’t an audition for your own show on Bravo.
Bitter Patriots Fan: I’m so sorry. Yeah, I totally agree that Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning.
Bitter 49ers Fan: See above. Replace Tom Brady with Colin Kaepernick and Peyton Manning with Russell Wilson.
Double-Dipper: Self-explanatory. Avoid any dips or other condiments they go near.
Antagonist: This person doesn’t actually care a lick, but cheers for the Seahawks because everyone else is cheering for the Broncos, or vice versa. Inevitably, their team for the night will win.
Encyclopedia: You don’t say. No, I had no idea that Peyton Manning averages 112 passing yards in the third quarter of elimination games while up by six or more in outdoor stadiums.
Frayed Jersey Wearer: Nope. I never would’ve guessed you bought that jersey second-hand eight years ago, and you can’t actually wash it now because it would fall apart. Is that a stain from 2004?
Over-Eater: This person spends more time circling the buffet table than watching the game. Listen for their complaints over how much they’ve eaten, followed by a prompt return to wherever the food is located.
TV Screamer: Are you actually convinced that if you scream at the television loud enough, the players will hear you at MetLife Stadium, or is this some sort of performance art piece in which you try to annoy everyone at a party?
The Tweeter: This person is constantly tweeting clever things other people say at the party. They refer to Twitter incessantly and display a rare ability to not understand that others could check their own Twitter feeds if they wanted to.
The Doctor: This person can’t help but diagnose every single injury or near injury with their EXPERT opinion. Quite likely a football blogger in their spare time. Could also be The Tweeter.
Uncomfortable Friend Of A Friend: Oh, you know Alex through work? Isn’t it weird that they’d bring you here with all of their old college friends? Have you met my wife’s cousin? She doesn’t know anyone, either.
Tension Rod: This person leaves crumpled napkins and ripped up labels in their wake. Their hands knead imaginary bread with every play. Best leave them alone to avoid the moment when the Tension Rod breaks.
Strong Silent Type: Similar to the Tension Rod, this person makes everyone else uncomfortable by not saying anything. Your guess is as good as anyone’s for which team they’re cheering.
Diehard: It’s alright. I believe you. You don’t have to show me your Seattle Seahawks boxer briefs.
Degenerate Gambler: This person is a roller coaster of emotion. At different points throughout the game, they’ll be up enough to buy a second home or down so much, they won’t be able to send their kids to college. At the end of the night, they always end up losing $100.
The Reaction Mirror: If you don’t know much about football, that’s fine, just please stop mimicking everyone else’s reaction a split-second later. It’s kind of freaking us out, a bit.
Fantasy Player: This person finished first in one of their 17 fantasy leagues this year. You’ll hear this fact 20 times throughout the night. You’ll also learn his opinion on every player participating from a fantasy perspective for next year. Yay!
Person With An Opinion On Richard Sherman: We’ve all got one.
Wannabe Don Draper: This person has come to the Super Bowl party to rate commercials, and talk about reach, demographics and creative. Stay clear.
Leatherhead: “Back in my day, we didn’t worry about injuries as much as they do today.” That is true. Most of the worries back then were focused on the Red Scare.
Heckler: There are children present. Also, you’re aware the players can’t actually hear you, right?
The Other Party Person: This person wants everyone to know that not only do they have other friends, but that these friends are at another Super Bowl party that’s off the chain.
Ranking Guy: It’s kind of amazing that you’re watching the third best offense you’ve ever seen taking on the second best defense you’ve ever seen while at the third best Super Bowl party you’ve ever been to. It’s like the 58th most fascinating thing I’ve heard today.
Bandwaggoner: A half-time lead for the Seahawks translates into a lifelong Seattle fan. When Denver comes back late in the third quarter, that same person will tell you they always knew the Broncos would do it because Peyton Manning IS THE BEST!!!
Okay, so you might not enjoy meeting everyone at your Super Bowl party, but at least there’s the halftime show to look forward to. Get hyped for this year’s Pepsi halftime show starring Bruno Mars. Join the conversation on Twitter with hashtag #Halftime and @Pepsi. It promises to be even better than Mike Ditka swinging from a wrecking football.