Kyle Smith

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I’m 87% sure those abs are fake

The first round of the 2013 NFL Draft happened on Thursday night, and it was a relatively interesting (and overblown) affair.

  • Manti Te’o and Geno Smith went undrafted (Smith reportedly left town, thus missing out on the continental breakfast he was promised at the local Hampton Inn).
  • Joe Namath made Phil Simms bathe in his hungry/liquor breath.
  • When the Bills drafted QB E.J. Manuel, the entire city of Buffalo wept in unison, causing serious flash floods.
  • 32 young football stars shook Roger Goodell’s hand for an uncomfortably long time.

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For some, it’s an exciting way to keep sports interesting while also adding an element of danger to their otherwise boring and empty lives (it’s either gamble or make the transition from canned to deviled ham).

For others, it’s a crippling addiction that manifests itself in the form of wagering rent money on Peyton Manning’s ability to throw a football, or Mark Sanchez’s ability to be so incredibly mediocre that you can pretty much put all of your food money on black (“black” being Sanchez doing something hilariously goofy that will no doubt cost the Jets a football game).

We invite those of you that don’t have a degenerate gambling problem and have also had their fill of deviled ham to gamble with us during the first round of the NFL draft.

What else are you going do on a Thursday night? Be a responsible and functioning member of society? I didn’t think so.


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If you’ve ever been within earshot of a television that was showing NFL programming, you’ve probably heard the legendary voice of the late, great Pat Summerall.

What you may not have known, is that at one time, Summerall coached actor and legendary mustache owner Burt Reynolds at Florida State University.

During a 1996 blow-out between the Dallas Cowboys and the Miami Dolphins, Summerall and his broadcast  partner John Madden spotted Reynolds in the crowd and Madden asked Summerall if Burt was any good at football.

Here was his response…

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New York Jets v Pittsburgh Steelers

Mike Wallace is a very rich man. I know this seems like a very obvious statement considering the former Steeler signed a 5-year $60 million contract with the Miami Dolphins (the deal included a $11 million signing bonus and $27 million in guaranteed money).

He has so much money that he could buy and sell my existence several million times over.

That said, according to Wallace’s dad, the 26-year old wide receiver could have pocketed even more cash if he had decided to sign with the Minnesota Vikings.

“The [Vikings] had come to the point where they were telling him, ‘You don’t have to live here, just be here during the season,’ ” Wallace’s father, Mike Jr., said by phone this week. “He wanted to get out of that snow and cold weather.”

Well, I guess we learned today that sometimes money isn’t everything. We also learned that no sane human being would actively choose to live in Minnesota during the winter.

Hat-tip to the Miami Herald and PFT

Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks

According to Jason La Canfora of CBS Sports, the Buffalo Bills, Jacksonville Jaguars and Oakland Raiders have shown interest in  Seattle Seahawks backup quarterback Matt Flynn.

Flynn signed a free agent deal with the Seattle Seahawks in the last off season with the expectations that he would be the Seahawks’ starting QB, only to lose his job to rookie Russell Wilson.

Flynn only appeared in 3 games with the Seahawks last season, completing 5 passes on 9 attempts for 68 yards.

Philadelphia Eagles v Dallas Cowboys

In 2012, Calvin Johnson had one of the greatest seasons ever for a wide receiver. He caught 122 passes for 1,964 yards (a new single season record) and averaged 122.8 yards per game.

He had the kind of season that is usually reserved for created players in Madden who have had their attributes hilariously/unfairly maxed.  You know, the guy who is a 99 in everything and can catch any wobbly pass that is thrown in his general vicinity (he can even catch Tebow pases).

Mere mortals don’t have that kind of season.

Dallas Cowboys’ receiver Dez Bryant doesn’t think he’s a mere mortal, Bryant thinks he’s capable of a seemingly impossible 2,000 yards and 20 touchdowns.

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Multiple sources have been reporting about the ongoing talks between the Houston Texans and the agents that represent Pro Bowl safety Ed Reed, and apparently the two sides are still very far apart on money.

According to John McClain of the Houston Chronicle, the Texans have offered Reed a deal that would pay him a little over $4 million per season, but Reed and his agents are looking something in the $6-7 million range.

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