Archive for the ‘Arian Foster’ Category


A year ago, the running back we’ll discuss today who’s almost as good as the running back we discussed yesterday was nearly fantasy football’s consensus first overall pick. A funny thing happens when you earn that status — that lofty, sacred status — and you’re not the best player at your position, while you also finish out of the top 10 in overall fantasy scoring: hairs everywhere are split, and the search for the end begins.

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Yes, we expected this. So no, it’s not surprising. We all know that the best surprises come in cereal boxes anyway.

But since the words “carted off” always induce cold sweats and they were in the same sentence as Arian Foster’s name yesterday, and since he’ll be the second overall pick in most fantasy leagues, let’s take a gander at what Gary Kubiak said today to put our minds even further at ease.

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We break briefly from our lingering Super Bowl hangover (true story: I went to bed at 4:30 a.m., slept through my alarm by a good hour, and then walked straight from the warm comforts of sweet winter dreams to my friend the black living room chair, where I’ve been writing ever since…I am your monkey) for some good, wholesome performance-enhancing drugs talk courtesy of Arian Foster.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

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Update (3:35 p.m. ET): Maybe there’s an explanation for all of this, as Foster left the game and went to the locker room due to an illness. Still, it’s quite clear that the Mayans have formed some kind of a pact with the fantasy gods.

As I’m writing these words there are Arian Foster owners who are drinking all of the scotch which had been laid out with care as part of delightful Christmas Eve spreads prior to festive gatherings tomorrow night.

That’s what 12 rushing yards on eight first-half carries will do to a man. Yes, that’s Foster’s first half total. No, it’s not a typo.

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Only a little worried. You know that feeling when you’re driving away from the grocery store and you’re not sure if you bought orange juice with pulp, no pulp, or lots of pulp? Yeah, that kind of worried. Also, pulp is the worst.

Paint me as a crazed overreacting crazy man if you want, although I’m very much trying to sidestep the ledge dwelling here. I consider myself to be a rational, sane-minded human, except as it relates to orange juice. But I still think that after there was an even split between Arian Foster and Justin Forsett in Houston’s backfield during their win over Tennessee yesterday, you — the Foster owners — need to acknowledge your fear.

Embrace it, and be one with it.

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Yesterday Arian Foster was the top running back in our weekly composite rankings due to his matchup against the Bills, and later this afternoon when I begin writing my Sunday manifesto that features the top three most favorable and least favorable matchups, he’ll almost definitely occupy the top spot in the former category. Repetition leads to mental muscle memory, and eventually the memorization of multiplication tables, and also the biblical knowledge of the week’s potential top producers. It’s science.

But we wouldn’t be repeating this so often if it wasn’t worthy of your undivided attention. At this point, if you’re opposing a team that’s starting Foster, just take Sunday off and watch the entire first season of the X-Files on Netflix. Just because you’re not paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not after you.

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Arian Foster’s matchup is so good this week, that anyone playing a team with him rostered needs to be given the fantasy equivalent of five strokes on every hole. Seems totally fair and legit.

We return with our weekly composite rankings compiled by myself and fellow spreadsheet enthusiast Devang Desai, and the usual cast of characters checks in (Michael Fabiano and Matt Smith from, and Jeremy Eisenberg and Dave Richard from CBS).

Annnd go…

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