Archive for the ‘Brian Hartline’ Category

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Earlier this week Brian Hartline signed a contract worth $30.6 million ($12.5 million of which is guaranteed) that will keep him in Miami for the next five years. Money isn’t an issue for him, yet unlike some of his peers who are spending their offseason traveling to exotic locations and, I dunno, climbing ice walls, Hartline is working at a convenience store.

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St Louis Rams v Miami Dolphins

According to a report by ProFootballTalk, the Miami Dolphins have agreed to terms with wide receiver Brian Hartline.

Hartline, who had a breakout season in 2012 with 1,083 yards receiving, is reported to be getting $30.775 million over five years including $12.5 million in guaranteed money.

Hartline played in all 16 of the Dolphins’ games last season (15 starts) and had 74 receptions for 1,083 yards and a single touchdown.

 

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So that means they’ll also soon be going about the business of closing in one with Mike Wallace or Greg Jennings too, yes? Yes.

Hold up a minute, though. Let’s deal with this Brian Hartline matter, because here at 100 Yards and Running we prioritize news that deals with the league’s true gentlemen who smell of rich mahogany.

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Did your first-round pick tear a muscle you can’t pronounce? Is your top running back doing more sucking than running? Welp, let’s look for sleepers and waiver wire gold together, and be wrong together, and cry together.

For anyone who called Week 5 as the week when three Dolphins would end up on this list and two of them would be receivers, well, you need help.

What a world.

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A male crotch and a handgun isn’t involved. This was better, and much safer for the health of future Hartlines.

Brian Hartline just became everyone’s favorite Dolphins receiver

We still love you too, Davone Bess. But sorry, only winners get to sit shotgun.

Brian Hartline having a successful Sunday isn’t a surprising development. He’s only a week removed from a 111-yard outing against the Raiders, although that’s an outlier compared to his other two games, and the combined yardage of 91 that he has if we exclude Week 2. Toss in the single reception he had last week, and the picture is becoming clear. This is a receiver who has the ability to explode and is therefore the ideal flex play with the proper matchup, but those cases of booming are surrounded by many bust weeks, the product of an inconsistent offense with few trusted weapons and a rookie quarterback.

So then against a Cardinals secondary led by Patrick Peterson, he caught 12 passes and finished with 253 yards. Let’s list the reasons why that’s remarkable/utterly unbelievable:

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The resemblance is uncanny.

Do not make direct eye contact with this creature. If you are merely in its presence you will be at first frozen, and then later melted. Nothing will make sense. A higher, godly power will be worshiped by a large bosomed temptress who eats hearts.

Behold Tim kardashian, a beast created by Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline.

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