Archive for the ‘Detroit Lions’ Category

Tip 302: Resolve family tension by directing anger at universally hated figure.

At its best, American Thanksgiving is a time to gather the family from all corners of the globe and eat lots of food. The cousin you haven’t seen in seven years, the uncle who just got out of prison — they’re all there. Hey, you might even get to talk about the recent election in a civil manner. It’s just politics after all.

At its worst, American Thanksgiving is a time to question the sanity of your mother as your family camps outside a Best Buy for five days, subsisting on uncooked ramen noodles and expired canned chili. A discussion about the recent election turns into an alcohol-fueled fist fight between brother-in-law Rex (America is doomed) and cousin Jeffrey (America is doomed and he’s a Muslim). Read the rest of this entry »

From a physical standpoint, Matthew Stafford is one of the league’s most talented quarterbacks, if not the most talented. He’s a gifted passer, possessing the arm strength to make every throw from any platform into any window, the accuracy to hit his intended target in between the digits in their chest, and a moving pocket presence and the mobility to evade pass rushers. But the same can’t be said about Stafford mentally.

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In today’s reminder that we’re not permitted to possess nice things, Titus Young has missed his second straight practice. Several weeks ago this would have been little more than a ticker item that scrolls by while ESPN continues to perform its daily Tim Tebow fellatio.

But now with Nate Burleson out and Calvin Johnson sometimes struggling and sometimes not with a knee injury of his own, Young was thought to be the BEST WAIVER WIRE PICKUP EVER a few weeks ago. That was when he had 181 receiving yards and two touchdowns over a two-game stretch while filling in for Burleson. Now although he’ll likely still play this weekend, Young is increasingly becoming a victim of the fantasy overlords who are nourished by our tears.

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You’re relieved now, Calvin Johnson owner. You feel much better about your place in the world, and your reason for being. You weren’t sure what you had done to deserve the punishment of the last two weeks and the threat of Johnson not playing yesterday, but it’s over now, and you’re safe.

But there’s still something missing despite Johnson’s seven receptions for 129 yards yesterday, a yardage total that ties Megatron for the Week 9 lead with Julio Jones prior to tonight’s game. You can’t quite wrap your mind around it, so sit with me in silence, and it’ll come back.

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After missing practice Wednesday, many owners feared Mikel Leshoure did indeed suffer a leg injury last week against the Seattle Seahawks. Thankfully, we found out he missed practice for personal reasons, and Leshoure started today against Jacksonville.

Those who started him have been rewarded nicely after the second-year back recorded 52 yards on 13 carries with three touchdowns. The math on that leads to 23 fantasy points in just one half.

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You’re familiar with this Sunday morning routine by now. I stumble 10 feet from my bed to my couch and start hitting keys, while you do the same, but instead you’re just sleeping in a different location. Then around 11:30 ET the official early-game inactives begin to trickle out, and so does your hair. Fun times indeed.

But before we get to the real fun in just a little bit, let’s take care of the most pressing and important injury item which really shouldn’t be either of those things. Calvin Johnson is expected to play.

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An accurate depiction of how Calvin Johnson owners feel right now.

I know you’re feeling weary, tired, and cold. You’re worried about Calvin Johnson, even though in truth the only difference between Calvin Johnson in 2011 and Calvin Johnson in 2012 are his touchdowns. I realize the use of the word “only” there will make cutlery fly towards eyeballs. Worse, pandas will trash office space.

But before we get to the real reason for your broken objects and hair eating (not just pulling, because we’re long past that) let’s bury the lede a little and look at some very simple but very revealing Johnson numbers.

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