Archive for the ‘Homerism’ Category

2013 NFL DraftThe NFL Draft has its good moments. Kids who’ve worked incredibly hard for free in the gulag known as the NCAA are rewarded with guaranteed money and a chance to make a good living as a professional football player.  Kids who’ve overcome family issues and “you’re too small!” epithets from bitter coaches can celebrate making it in front of the world. The night is for them.

For fans of certain teams, the draft is an excuse to lose it over players they’ve seen on Youtube a couple times. All caps non sequitur on twitter, angry texts to confused friends who don’t follow the NFL, a 1,000 word screed on a message board frequented by 13% of Western New York’s prison population — the gamut of negativity. As E.J. Manuel emotionally talked about his mom’s battle with cancer, I was one of those guys. The NFL Draft has its terrible moments. Mainly because of people like me. And this guy. Read the rest of this entry »

The speed with which new Bills Head Coach Doug Marrone has assembled his coaching staff has been impressive. For fans of the Bills, impressive isn’t strong enough. Try visionary.

Via ESPN:

The Buffalo Bills have hired former New York Jets defensive coordinator Mike Pettine to be their defensive coordinator, a source told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen. Pettine, whose contract had expired with the Jets, agreed to a three-year deal with Buffalo to work on new coach Doug Marrone’s staff.

Poaching a coveted mind from a division rival is something the Bills rarely do. Acting with an actual plan in the early moments of the off-season is something the Bills never do. After working with Rex Ryan in Baltimore, Pettine followed Rolls Royce to New York.

Like so many coordinators before him, Pettine enjoyed the New York Times ‘how good is he?’ treatment two years ago.

“I’m not in it for the credit,” Pettine said in an interview in the team’s cafeteria. “I only want a ring. If it’s one of those things where it’s going to be identified as Rex’s defense, that’s fine. “I’m not in it for the credit,” Pettine said in an interview in the team’s cafeteria. “I only want a ring. If it’s one of those things where it’s going to be identified as Rex’s defense, that’s fine.”

He’ll get the chance to craft a new image in Buffalo. Hours earlier Marrone went back to Syracuse, choosing former Cuse OC Nathaniel Hackett to run the Bills offense. After stating he wanted his coordinators to have ‘through NFL experience the Hackett hire is a little puzzling. The 33-year-old’s resume includes minor roles in Tampa Bay and Buffalo (retread!) along with a lengthy stay at Stanford. Hackett is a fan of the K-Gun, an offensive system that led Jim Kelly and the Bills offense to an unparalleled run of success in the early 90s.

The Bills last foray into an up tempo, no huddle offense was a disaster. The names Jauron, Schonert, Edwards and Owens rekindle traumatic memories for Bills fans. Hackett was a low level assistant on that staff. At that time Kelly gave him a Bills playbook from the 1990s, which he began to rely on — I guess that’s good? Just get a damn Quarterback.

I’m staying positive. The average age of the Bills HC, OC and DC is now 42.3. Considering Chan Gailey was 103 this is a step in the right direction. New blood. Buffalo needs it.

 

A timeline of events last night: waited in line to get into a bar that was thourougly underwhelming. Left my keys in a taxi. Sent a series of text messages that should not have been sent.

With that in mind I was ready to get all indignant regarding the Bills coaching search. Which retread would it be. Lovie, Ken or Jim? Jack Del Rio’s name even came up. No matter who it was the choice would’ve reeked of a classic Bills hire. They coached in the league slash they know how to manage a team. And they’re cheap!? Sign the damn thing.

That’s why I’m shocked. For once, the Bills took a calculated risk that didn’t involve Shawne Merriman. The same fans that have shit on the Bills front office for hiring failures are up in arms over the decision to make Doug Marrone the next Bills Head Coach. It doesn’t make sense. Read the rest of this entry »

Things worse than Russ Brandon for $100.

I’ve made no secret regarding my feelings on Chan Gailey. Save for the murderous tyrants that occupy seats of power around the world, I don’t enjoy calling for someone’s dismissal. However, we reached the end game with Gailey. The Bills went 16-32 under the former Georgia Tech boss, refusing to depart from the norm that has plagued the Bills for thirteen seasons. 6-10 might as well be emblazoned on the 50 yard line at the Ralph. Read the rest of this entry »


“Tebow. Tebow. Tebow.”

And with that the clusterfuck that was the Buffalo Bills 2012 season came to an end. Not with a whimper, but a soul crushing finale against the equally pathetic New York Jets.

Before we rehash the horrible game that took place at Orchard Park this afternoon, I’d like to thank Rex Ryan. Thanks for sticking with Mark Sanchez. Thanks for not rewarding the mongrels at the Ralph with an appearance by Tim Tebow. This game was already unwatchable. I’m afraid to think what this would’ve devolved into with that Tivo shilling huckster behind center. Read the rest of this entry »

As we mark the holiday season with another Bills loss — to the hated Dolphins of all teams — I thought this would be an appropriate time to hand out some gifts to the team. The idea isn’t original — theScore’s very own Archi Zuber created a magnificent list for the Toronto Blue Jays — but I can’t bring myself to write about the visual nightmare that took place in Miami. I’ll leave it at this — the players have clearly given up on Chan Gailey and the coaching staff. Never were so few fucks given by a defence tasked with stopping Reggie Bush.

It’s almost over. Unfortunately the Jets have managed to become more pathetic than us, making a win next week a strong possibility. 6-10. Sounds about right. Merry Christmas ass clowns. Read the rest of this entry »

Psy was the perfect guy for this.

In the beginning Gangnam style was a cute K-pop jingle that everyone could dance to. I requested it at a wedding — everyone did the dance and had a good time. Then I heard it on the radio. On the TV. People sang it on the streets. Ellen danced to it. Psy went on Ellen with Britney Spears. I couldn’t listen to it anymore, but society didn’t care. My mom asked if I had heard it. The end had come.

In the beginning the Bills in Toronto series was a good idea. Mine your biggest non-Buffalo fan base for some extra cash while ensuring the Bills would remain in Buffalo for the foreseeable future — makes sense.

Five years on this needs to end. Read the rest of this entry »