Archive for the ‘Jay Cutler’ Category

Since all the cool kids are rocking concussions and Jay Cutler is always the coolest, the Bears quarterback didn’t come out for the second half of Chicago’s Sunday night game against the Houston Texans. Jason Campbell took over, and although he’s much more capable than Caleb Hanie was a year ago when Cutler went down, he’s still Jason Campbell.

The Bears have announced Cutler won’t return after he sustained the concussion late in the first half on a helmet-to-helmet hit following a long scramble. In a league that’s stressed both protecting the quarterback and minimizing head injuries, Cutler becomes the third QB to leave a game with a concussion today, joining Alex Smith and Michael Vick.

Cutler is erratic and inconsistent, so he’s a QB2 at best, with his value decreasing even more a week from now once byes are over. However, he’s demonstrated a strong connection with Brandon Marshall, meaning if Cutler misses time the production of the Bears’ top receiver could suffer.

Last night, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo held a charitable interception demonstration, hoping to show the disenfranchised youth of Texas how not to toss the pigskin during an organized game of football. The Chicago Bears were the recipient of Romo’s charity, and used his unparalleled kindness to win 34-18.

Early in the game (charitable demonstration), Bears’ QB Jay Cutler decided he needed to have a bit of a rest, and sat down on the bench. Offensive coordinator Mike Tice followed him to the bench in an attempt to engage Cutler in conversation (“see what Romo is doing, don’t do that”). This is what happened…

UH OH!

Is there beef between Cutler and Tice? Is a locker room war brewing between coach and player that can only be solved by a duel (pistols at dawn)? Does Tice’s diet consist only of onions and Cutler was just trying to escape his noxious breath? Was Cutler just thirsty?

Yeah, it turns out he was just thirsty.

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Tumblr accounts vary from the mundane – check out my latest instagram photo of the food I just ate!!1! – to the amazing. Fortunately today we have an example of the latter.

Ladies and gentleman, presenting Smokin Jay Cutler, a website devoted to the most apathetic looking athlete in the history of sports:


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We know who Jay Cutler is by now. He’s a dog lover, a really excitable guy when his girlfriend is having pictures of her ass taken by multiple males, and little more than a fantasy backup because he’s the eternal enemy of consistency.

How has this monster — this frustrating creature who shows flashes of being an elite fantasy option that are followed by nights of seemingly utter incompetence — been created? Let us count the ways.

Perhaps the largest source of frustration is that despite how lost he looked last night, much of what we saw was out of Cutler’s hands. Even after the additions of Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery mental errors still subtracted from his support, and a creaky offensive line still leads to frequent face plants.

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Last week’s Madden simulation was glorious. Not only did it predict a Cowboys win over the Giants, but through some sort of terrifying black magic, it predicted the greatest game of Kevin Ogletree’s career. That’s right, through a power that cannot be fully described, our game of virtual football transformed the real Ogletree into Jerry Rice.

The Internet buzzed with news of our unparalleled prediction skills. Fellow intern Archi Zuber and I were being hailed as: time traveling wizards, a pair of handsome Nostradamuses (Nostradami?), and a couple of handsome Nostradamuses who also happened to be time traveling wizards.

Now that we’ve gotten my ridiculously over-the-top boasting out of the way, it’s time to focus on this week’s matchup: Packers vs. Chicago Bears.

Like last week, we’ll be aiming to answer a series of burning questions. Will Aaron Rodgers bounce back from a Week 1 loss to San Francisco and show off the aerial game that made him the 2011 NFL MVP? Is Jay Cutler ready to join the upper echelon of NFL quarterbacks? Will the absence of Greg Jennings make Jordy Nelson one of the most important players in fantasy football this week? Is the state of Wisconsin so jealous of the city of Chicago’s famous deep dish pizza that they are actively withholding the nation’s cheese supply in a child-like act of rebellion?

Pregame warning: We decided to sit injured Packers WR Greg Jennings. Also, Zubes is a huge Packers fan, and became very emotionally invested.

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Yeah, it’s early, and it’s too early to panic, and blah blah something something. And we fully expected this, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to suck any less for Matt Forte owners when those expectations become reality, and slowly Michael Bush siphons six points away from your RB1 stud after an otherwise very successful drive.

In short, here was the anatomy of Bush’s birth as a touchdown vulture during the Bears’ first scoring drive of the 2012 season.

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I could start this off by discussing how Matt Hasselbeck is old and Jake Locker will be the best thing since sliced bread once he takes over for the aging veteran in training camp, where the Titans are having a heated (well, kind of) quarterback competition. I could say that Hasselbeck made some good throws last season but is still no more than a stop-gap and placeholder for Locker, whom the Titans deemed their future when they went “all-in” on in April of 2011, and they have the ideal offense for him to show off his wicked arm strength.

But I’m not going to do that.

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