Archive for the ‘Ouch’ Category

The Texans make injured players wear half shirts during practice.

Yesterday, I told you not to worry about Arian Foster. Since I know you wait for my permission to feel any human emotion, you may now begin to become fearful about Arian Foster.

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I’m not sure how we as a society ever existed before Wikipedia. Blogs definitely wouldn’t have ever come into existence, because all research done on an Internet thing starts deep in the bowels of the Wikipedia machine.

I’ve gone on long Wiki reading binges prompted by the most random curiosity, and I’ve read words about things that most normal people wouldn’t invest more than eight seconds into. Example: this past weekend while camping and gazing up at stars that may or may not have actually been up in the sky, I read the entire page on the Big Dipper, or as I call it “Saptarishi.”

Anyone who’s ever had the kind of back spasms that Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch is dealing with knows the spasm sensation well. It’s a tingling sensation, and then it can build into a full-out cramp and muscle seizure. But as is often the case, Wikipedia describes it with far more delightfully colorful language.

Mostly, the color is red.

A variety of types of involuntary muscle activity may be referred to as a “spasm”. Examples include muscle contractions due to abnormal nerve stimulation, or abnormal activity of the muscle itself. A series of spasms or permanent spasms are called a spasmism. A spasm may lead to muscle strains or tears of tendons and ligaments, if the force of the spasm exceeds the tensile strength of the underlying connective tissues, such as with a particularly forceful spasm, or in the case of weakened connective tissues.

True hypertonic spasm is caused by malfunctioning feedback nerves, is much more serious, and is permanent unless treated. In this case, the hypertonic muscle tone is excessive and the muscles are unable to relax.

A spasmism is the most terrifying “ism,” and is only rivaled by any Bushism. For Lynch owners, it’s about to become far more frightening, and it’ll send you straight to a very different kind of reading, that of the frantic waiver-scouring variety.

Lynch didn’t practice Monday, and now his status for Seattle’s season-opening game against Arizona is in question.

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Hey, remember that cuddly Ryan Mathews optimism we poisoned you with earlier this week? Yeah, he still hates you. And us. He hates all of us, for Mathews is the keeper of our hope, the builder of our optimism, and the destroyer of our ambition.

Say, maybe we’re taking this fantasy football deal a little too seriously? Nah. Moving on then.

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Michael Vick seems to get hurt during a football game as often as the average person puts on pants, or washes underwear. In fact, he may even get hurt more often than the average person washes their underwear, and I’m not sure if that says more about Vick or us. Probably us.

During the Eagles’ first pre-season game, Vick left in pain after his thumb struck a helmet on his follow through. After he was given the highly-advanced remedy of a glass of cold water to dip his slightly swollen thumb into, X-rays were taken and it was determined that Vick had dodged a serious injury. It was only a contusion, which is a scary medical word for a bruise.

Tonight in his second pre-season game, he visited the X-ray room again.

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