Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Tim Tebow is a distraction because…why? (also PROPS)

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Money making, Rants, Tim Tebow on Jun 11, 2013

brady-and-tebow2

You can rely on the Internet to provide you with many things consistently, from all varieties of porn to various angry cats. But the most consistently pushed piece of sometimes shameful consumption are the random betting props, especially as they relate to the NFL.

Hey, do you think Aaron Rodgers will throw a touchdown pass in the second quarter of the Packers’ Week 2 game at the 3:14 mark? There’s a prop for that somewhere.

So of course, with Tim Tebow now officially on a practice field in New England, there are avenues to wager on his crappiness, and overall relevance during the 2013 NFL season. Here’s BoDog‘s offering:

Tim Tebow – Will he make the Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster?     

Yes                   -400      (1/4)

No                    +250     (5/2)

Tim Tebow – Will he start a game as a QB for the Patriots in the 2013 Regular Season?       

Yes                  +600     (6/1)

No                    -1200    (1/12)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Will he throw a TD Pass in the 2013 Regular Season?           

Yes                  +200    (2/1)

No                    -300     (1/3)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Total Rushing & Receiving TD’s in the 2013 Regular Season

Over/Under                   1.5

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Tim Tebow – Will he attempt a Pass in the 2013 Regular Season? 

Yes                   -300    (1/3)

No                    +200    (2/1)

* Must make Patriots 53 man Week 1 roster for action.

Pro tip: don’t put even three cents on any of those. But some of you inevitably will, so here are a few stray thoughts:

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Michael Vick has been reminded that he shouldn’t be interesting, even a little bit

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on Jun 07, 2013

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It’s remarkable how often we expect our athletes and coaches to be both interesting, and robotic. We want them to entertain us, and in the NFL, they do that every Sunday during the fall and winter, and even during the spring when we can catch fleeting glimpses of them in shorts and read utterly meaningless stats which attempt to quantify their performance during practice (PRACTICE).

When they speak publicly, we want them to be interesting and compelling, but not too interesting and compelling. A few years ago we were free to laugh at Rex Ryan whenever we pleased because his teams won football games. Now Ryan is often still the same goofball/cornball in press conferences, but we’re not permitted to chortle because he’s not leading a winning team. He must now be boring, like Bill Belichick.

At its core, NFL football is no different from any other professional sport in that it’s entertainment, and a digression from the mundane nature of other daily events. It’s entertainment which generates much discourse and analytical debate, but the core element of televised sports — an activity which is organized purely for our enjoyment — remains nonetheless.

That’s why what happened in Philadelphia yesterday during a time of general nothingness in the NFL calendar was as confusing as it was predictable.

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The Panthers’ backfield is still a place where fantasy dreams die

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on May 15, 2013

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I wish no harm on DeAngelo Williams. No really, I hope he has great success in his future endeavors, whatever they may be. Surely they will involve carrying a football, because that’s been the only professional pursuit he’s ever known. And for that, he deserves a slow clap.

Earlier this morning, though, we witnessed a Williams development which leads to some continued fantasy hurt. He restructured his contract, meaning he’ll continue to carry a football for the Carolina Panthers and be part of their backfield clustermess.

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Geno Smith says he sucked today, gives himself an “F”

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on May 10, 2013

geno-smith-draft2

You’re reading a football blog right now, so I’m going to assume you like football. In fact, I’ll assume that you like football a lot, and therefore since it’s the year 2013 and most people do things on the Twitter, you likely also follow a lot of NFL beat writers. Maybe you also follow me (please follow me, I need friends).

That means maybe you saw when I used the alloted 140-character space a short time ago to share this scorn:

Tweeting the statistical results of a practice in May (May!!!) is without a doubt the most unintelligent regular practice NFL beat writers bestow upon us every spring. For some reason, though, average fan guy out there cares so deeply about this…

And this…

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Tim Tebow’s NFL career is over then, right?

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants, Tim Tebow on Apr 29, 2013

San Diego Chargers v New York Jets

On March 21st last year, the Jets traded for Tim Tebow, and at the time if their intention was to build an offense around their new quarterback’s unique skillset — scrambling, running, and occasionally completing a forward pass — much like the Broncos did, then their sacrifice would have been tolerable. The Jets gave Denver fourth- and sixth-round picks in the draft that just concluded over the weekend.

It would have been fine if Mark Sanchez wasn’t present, and had he not just been given a contract with a whole lot of money, and one that guarantees him $8.25 million next year despite his woeful averageness at best, and turd imitation at worst (oh and hey, that contract is the only reason Sanchez wasn’t cut today too, and instead he has a real shot at the starting job).

Trading for Tebow would have been just dandy if he was given a more prominent role than punt protector. Or if he was asked to do something of importance more than, I dunno, 40 times over his 11 game appearances (32 rushing attempts, eight pass attempts). Or if when the season was finally and officially lost and Sanchez was removed, and it was abundantly clear that trying something new — anything at all, dear god — was the logical avenue to pursue, he wasn’t bypassed on the quarterback depth chart, with Greg McElroy (Greg McElroy!!!!!!!!1) starting instead.

But all of those things happened. Every one of them. And now here’s the lasting memory we have of Tim Tebow in New York…

Oh and this too, in its repeated motion glory with our hero Mario replacing the ball which went doink off our other hero’s helmet…

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Stop caring about the Wonderlic

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under 2013 NFL draft, Rants on Apr 18, 2013

wonderlic2

I’ve been waiting for this one. Every year Wonderlic scores are leaked, and every year it gives us a chance to say something like this: “hahahaha look at that big dumb stoooopid football guy with his big dummy dumb hands and nothing in his idiot head !!!!!!1.”

Somehow, through the grace of the holy spirits above, we made it to exactly one week until the draft before leaked Wonderlic scores surfaced. We were so close, guys.

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The NFL could have its first openly gay player soon

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on Mar 25, 2013

fuj

Scott Fujita has been outspoken on same-sex marriage.

During the build up to the Super Bowl, Chris Culliver was kind enough to remind us just how embedded an anti-gay attitude might be in NFL locker rooms. Now we could be set to find out soon if he represents the majority. Very soon.

Earlier today Mike Freeman of CBS Sports wrote that through multiple interviews with current and former players, he’s been told that a “gay NFL player is strongly considering coming out publicly within the next few months”, and once he does that the player will attempt to continue his career. That’s a vague timeline for a highly sensitive and divisive issue, and therefore it’s inherently not the kind of subject matter which usually has a timeline. But there you have it: according to one highly sourced and highly respected member of the NFL media, there’s a strong possibility that the league will have its first openly gay player to start the 2013 regular season next fall.

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