Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category


I wish no harm on DeAngelo Williams. No really, I hope he has great success in his future endeavors, whatever they may be. Surely they will involve carrying a football, because that’s been the only professional pursuit he’s ever known. And for that, he deserves a slow clap.

Earlier this morning, though, we witnessed a Williams development which leads to some continued fantasy hurt. He restructured his contract, meaning he’ll continue to carry a football for the Carolina Panthers and be part of their backfield clustermess.

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You’re reading a football blog right now, so I’m going to assume you like football. In fact, I’ll assume that you like football a lot, and therefore since it’s the year 2013 and most people do things on the Twitter, you likely also follow a lot of NFL beat writers. Maybe you also follow me (please follow me, I need friends).

That means maybe you saw when I used the alloted 140-character space a short time ago to share this scorn:

Tweeting the statistical results of a practice in May (May!!!) is without a doubt the most unintelligent regular practice NFL beat writers bestow upon us every spring. For some reason, though, average fan guy out there cares so deeply about this…

And this…

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San Diego Chargers v New York Jets

On March 21st last year, the Jets traded for Tim Tebow, and at the time if their intention was to build an offense around their new quarterback’s unique skillset — scrambling, running, and occasionally completing a forward pass — much like the Broncos did, then their sacrifice would have been tolerable. The Jets gave Denver fourth- and sixth-round picks in the draft that just concluded over the weekend.

It would have been fine if Mark Sanchez wasn’t present, and had he not just been given a contract with a whole lot of money, and one that guarantees him $8.25 million next year despite his woeful averageness at best, and turd imitation at worst (oh and hey, that contract is the only reason Sanchez wasn’t cut today too, and instead he has a real shot at the starting job).

Trading for Tebow would have been just dandy if he was given a more prominent role than punt protector. Or if he was asked to do something of importance more than, I dunno, 40 times over his 11 game appearances (32 rushing attempts, eight pass attempts). Or if when the season was finally and officially lost and Sanchez was removed, and it was abundantly clear that trying something new — anything at all, dear god — was the logical avenue to pursue, he wasn’t bypassed on the quarterback depth chart, with Greg McElroy (Greg McElroy!!!!!!!!1) starting instead.

But all of those things happened. Every one of them. And now here’s the lasting memory we have of Tim Tebow in New York…

Oh and this too, in its repeated motion glory with our hero Mario replacing the ball which went doink off our other hero’s helmet…

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Stop caring about the Wonderlic


I’ve been waiting for this one. Every year Wonderlic scores are leaked, and every year it gives us a chance to say something like this: “hahahaha look at that big dumb stoooopid football guy with his big dummy dumb hands and nothing in his idiot head !!!!!!1.”

Somehow, through the grace of the holy spirits above, we made it to exactly one week until the draft before leaked Wonderlic scores surfaced. We were so close, guys.

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Scott Fujita has been outspoken on same-sex marriage.

During the build up to the Super Bowl, Chris Culliver was kind enough to remind us just how embedded an anti-gay attitude might be in NFL locker rooms. Now we could be set to find out soon if he represents the majority. Very soon.

Earlier today Mike Freeman of CBS Sports wrote that through multiple interviews with current and former players, he’s been told that a “gay NFL player is strongly considering coming out publicly within the next few months”, and once he does that the player will attempt to continue his career. That’s a vague timeline for a highly sensitive and divisive issue, and therefore it’s inherently not the kind of subject matter which usually has a timeline. But there you have it: according to one highly sourced and highly respected member of the NFL media, there’s a strong possibility that the league will have its first openly gay player to start the 2013 regular season next fall.

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We get it, NFL. Preventing the regular scrambling of brains is a priority, mostly because the public perception that brute savagery is encouraged and then the gladiators are discarded while crumbling at the young age of 35 isn’t good for business. We shouldn’t talk about that, though, and we also shouldn’t digress and mention that many of those same folks who are outraged rise from their seats after the bone crushing blows.

But as much as I despise sounding like a neanderthal who’s content to fight progress and maintain old school ho-rah ways, football is an inherently violent sport. There will be injuries, and perhaps even life changing ones. Bones will be broken, and muscles will be ripped. These are the accepted facts of participation.

While rules to minimize injuries (like banning hits to the head on a defenseless receiver) are fine and wonderful, eventually those restrictions will progress to the point where core skills are removed from the game, and the dynamics of football will be altered too severely. We may have taken the first step towards that eventuality this afternoon.

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My first question upon seeing the multiple reports that Wes Welker has done what was nearly unthinkable only a few days ago, leaving the Patriots and signing with the Broncos: if $12 million over two years was the offer that won him over, what the hell was the Patriots’ low-ball offer then?

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