Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

The 10 players who ruined your fantasy season

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on Dec 17, 2012

Stop smiling.

Every week there are booms, and every week there are busts. Every week there are noted, well-known studs who drastically under perform, and every week there are nobodies who very briefly become somebodies.

Those are fundamental — and often frustrating — facts of fantasy football, and admittedly we could probably do the exercise below nearly every week. But this week isn’t like every week: it’s semi final week, dammit, meaning the pain induced by struggling studs has been increased ten-fold.

Maybe this was just the bias of perception with the importance of every point in Week 15 multiplied, but it seemed like there were far more fantasy sucker punches this week than usual. We can haggle over whether or not Bryce Brown and Danario Alexander are worthy of inclusion, but in recent weeks they had posted high-level production. This week? No.

So let’s have a good, healthy cry together, and remember these nine men as the fantasy jerks who ended your season.

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A quick note on the Gronk

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Rants on Dec 16, 2012

Surely by now you’ve read the ProFootballTalk report from earlier this morning in which you were told that the door leading to a meaningful Rob Gronkowski appearance tonight is at least slightly ajar.

If somehow your Internet went out for like four hours and you missed it, here’s the money line:

While it remains unlikely Gronkowski plays, his toughness and determination could result in an unexpected appearance on Sunday night.

Of course, doctors would have to approve it.  If they do, then we may see Gronkowski in a game that the Pats need to win if they want to remain in position to swipe the top seed from the Texans.

To which our response is this: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

As the eight early games get set to kick off in mere minutes followed by the five late afternoon games, don’t even consider slotting in Gronkowski with his minmal odds of playing, while nearly every other tight end option on your bench plays and is therefore burned this afternoon. Although Gronk is about as human as Terrell Suggs — which is to say he has lasers for bones — he only returned to practice Friday. Even in a dreamy world with lollipops and candy canes and Gronk playing tonight, his usage will surely be serverly limited, and he’ll carry very little fantasy value.

Just say no.

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You should start Bryce Brown tonight

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Bryce Brown, Rants on Dec 13, 2012

Bryce Brown has blessed us with some early holiday coal while reminding us yet again that hard decisions are hard.

Two weeks ago he was finishing a stretch when he torched two poor run defenses for 372 yards from scrimmage and four touchdowns. He also lost three fumbles, but shhhhhh.

But when he was faced with his first real test last week against the league’s best run defense, he crumbled colossally. The rookie was held to just six yards on 12 carries by the Bucs, a horrid total that gets worse when you notice that he had an 11-yard carry. That means his 11 other carries netted minus five yards. Yep.

That’s made your sit/start decision with Brown difficult tonight as he gets set to oppose a Bengals run defense that isn’t the Bucs run defense, but it’s still pretty damn good (ranked 11th, giving up 105.5 yards per game). Also complicating matters is the fact that as a late-season waiver wire pickup, Brown is just one of likely several appealing options on your bench. Of course, you can completely ignore that sentence if you’re a LeSean McCoy owner, and Brown is your injury handcuff.

Let’s end this now, though, roughly an hour before game time: you should start Brown.

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Chris Johnson’s timing is not appreciated

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Chris Johnson, Rants on Dec 09, 2012

I just watched Chris Johnson dance in the backfield after receiving a handoff on the Colts’ five-yard line, stutter step a few times, try to bounce to the outside, and then get tackled for a five-yard loss.Yes, that all happened on my TV, and yours. When I saw that, I had one question: why?

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Brandon Myers gets nourishment from your tears

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Brandon Myers, Rants on Dec 07, 2012

Maybe we can blame the constant pressure Carson Palmer faced last night from Von Miller et al. Maybe we can blame the woefully underthrown ball that was intended for Brandon Myers in the red zone which could have turned into a touchdown, but instead it was picked off my Champ Bailey for the easiest interception of his career, and perhaps history.

Maybe we can blame a foreign, evil hand which cast a voodoo-like spell over Myers. Over if sorcery isn’t your thing, his usage, the scoreboard, and the gameplan may be a little more realistic if you’re looking for somewhere to heap your scorn.

Direct your ire wherever you’d like, but whatever the cause, here’s an undeniable fact: last night a tight end with a great matchup failed us horribly during the fantasy playoffs, with Myers — the sixth ranked player at his position with 90 points this year (yet somehow he’s still owned in only 35 percent of ESPN leagues) — finishing with only one catch for seven yards.

Let’s lament together, and hate together.

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On disappointment, depression, and rage

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Atlanta Falcons, New Orleans Saints, Rants on Nov 30, 2012

After being occupied with all the injury news you could possibly desire to prompt Roger Sterling style mid-day drinking earlier (“we drink because it’s WHAT MEN DO“), we return to our regularly-scheduled programming: the lamenting of a fantasy massacre.

Consider the three stray/somewhat connected rants and observations below to be a sort of therapy, because we’re all hurting so very deeply after last night. It’s mostly for me after the decline of Jimmy Graham was compartmentalized this morning, but also for you. We run a service here, you know, so feel free to voice your own tale of defeat and woe after the three points (*puts head through desk*) you received from the third highest scoring player in fantasy. That player’s name is, of course, Drew Brees, who’s averaging 18 points per game, and last night was his first game this year below 15 points.

And it came one week before the fantasy playoffs start in many leagues. Oh happy day.

More on Brees in a minute, because Matt Ryan was a jerk too.

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Somewhere out there, a guy is going to win this week after starting Justin Forsett

Posted by Sean Tomlinson under Houston Texans, Rants on Nov 23, 2012

I know, at first it doesn’t seem like there’s a fantasy connection here, and we usually like to have one of those when we’re writing about things, and especially when we’re writing about stuff. But oh, there is one, and it’s real and spectacular.

More on that in a minute. But first, let’s relive the play that — in this Internet ranter’s un-humble opinion — ended in a far more egregious lack of officiating competence than the now infamous Hail Mary play the replacement officials botched earlier this year during the Green Bay-Seattle game.

I’m of course referring to Justin Forsett’s 81-yard touchdown run that shouldn’t have been a touchdown at all yesterday, a play that eventually really, really mattered when the Texans needed overtime to beat Detroit 34-31. The run occurred during the third quarter, and while Arian Foster’s backup rumbled for a nice little eight-yard gain, every conceivable angle showed that he was quite clearly down. Both his elbow and knee touched the ground, so by definition he was a downed runner, and the play should have ended.

It didn’t, and when the officials missed Forsett’s contact with the ground he smartly kept running, and running. His touchdown was the difference in the game, meaning the officials were also the difference in the game. And when that happens, pitch forks happen. Anger happens. Shame happens.

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